In the old National Lampoon ''Vacation'' movies, Clark W. Griswold was always offering a helping hand to his wife's Cousin Eddie, a man who wore white shoes and polyester pants and drove a Winnebago whose septic tank leaked on Clark's driveway. No matter how much Clark offered Eddie, Eddie always wanted more.
The gambling industry is Missouri's Cousin Eddie. The more you give him, the more he wants.
Last year Cousin Eddie, in the 14 casinos he operates at nine locations in Missouri, had revenues just shy of a billion dollars. And still he's complaining.
It seems that the gambling industry in America is unhappy with the regulatory climate in Missouri. It says we're too tough on the industry. At the recent World Gaming Congress and Expo in (where else?) Las Vegas, speculation was that Missouri's tough attitude forced Station Casinos Inc. to fold its hand here.
If so, Station quit a winner. It sold its Kansas City and St. Charles operations to Ameristar Inc. for $475 million. Station said it wanted to concentrate on its Nevada operations and said nothing publicly about regulation here.
Even so, the industry is pointing fingers at the Missouri Gaming Commission. Said one analyst: ''It's a very adversarial relationship.''
Other observers agreed, saying that over the past two years, the Missouri Gaming Commission has charged Missouri gaming companies with 39 violations and charged $1.87 million in fines. By comparison, friendly ol' Nevada - with 30 times more casinos than Missouri - found 38 violations and levied $1 million in fines.
Industry observers - including lobbyists, financial analysts and other casino operators - say Missouri's gaming tax (20 percent of the adjusted gross for state and local jurisdictions) is too high. The $500 loss limit is unworkable, they say, and the Gaming Commission too rigorous in its enforcement. Missouri, they say, is ranked dead last among gambling states as a place to do business.
To which we can only say, Cousin Eddie, you're absolutely right. It's too tough to do business here. Why don't you pack up the Winnebago and go back to Kansas?
Missouri would miss the taxes you pay, and folks would have to find different jobs. And we'd miss the sleazy spectacle of Station Casino executives paying big bonuses to lawyers with inside connections, refusing subpoenas from the gaming commission and then whining about how they were being persecuted.
But we'd get over it. We wouldn't have to see you greasing the campaign funds of public officials with one hand and holding out the other hand in supplication. We could get out of the business of making money off people's weaknesses.
But if you stay, understand this: The proper relationship between a regulatory commission and the industry it regulates is adversarial, not cozy. Obey the laws, make your millions and stop whining.
(For news and information about St. Louis, visit http://postnet.com. Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service.)