If there was a John O'Hurley in every foursome, maybe golf wouldn't be such a difficult game.
The former star of "Seinfeld" provoked constant uninhibited laughter during a press conference announcing the field for the 11th American Century Celebrity Golf Championship on Tuesday at Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course.
"I often equate this tournament to if your college fraternity was on a lake and had gambling in the basement and a golf course across the street," O'Hurley said. "The thing that is so magical about it is that it puts people together. To be frank, what are the chances that Charles Barkley and my life would ever cross paths?"
O'Hurley recalled how depressed he was last year when he glanced at the player odds in the sports book at Caesars Tahoe.
"Last year was the first year they decided to name names. So I look up on the board and John Elway is 7-1, Rick Rhoden is 7-2, Mario Lemieux is 12-1 and John O'Hurley is 500-1," O'Hurley said. "This isn't a whimsical decision. It's based on empirical calculations of wizards who sit in a cave over there in a smoke-filled room, saying things like, 'I swear if we send O'Hurley off at 400-1 we're going to take a bath.' Five hundred to 1. If Wilt Chamberlain had dropped a basketball off the Empire State Building and hit one of the people he supposedly slept with, that's 500 to 1.
"The thing that really bothers me is that they're only 65 players in the tournament. But they're telling me that my caddie, the marshals and all the volunteers have a better chance of winning than I do."
The quick-witted O'Hurley is one of 73 players prepared to dethrone five-time champion Rick Rhoden, who has yet to win the championship in an even-numbered year.
Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett is among 21 first-time entrants for the July 7-9 championship. Despite playing in a PGA Senior Tour event in Kansas City, the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am and Bob Hope Classic, the 13-time all-star is uncertain if he's ready to handle the stress a celebrity golfer faces between the ropes.
"When they put the ropes on the golf course, your name on the scorecard and follow you with those flags that tell everyone what you've done so far, it really gets a little more difficult," said Brett, who retired from baseball in 1993. "I'm sure it looks pretty easy on the other side of the ropes. Hopefully I won't embarrass myself. There wasn't one person who had more fun playing golf than me from 1974 to 1993 . I'm going to go out there and compete and grind, but there isn't going to be one person who has more fun than I do."
Celebrities expected to compete are two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback John Elway, retired hockey superstar Mario Lemieux (the 1998 winner), 49ers receiver Jerry Rice, Hall of Fame catcher Johnny Bench, recently retired Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino and Barkley.
The impressive list of also includes all-pro running back Marshall Faulk of the Super Bowl champion St. Louis Rams, Emmitt Smith of the Dallas Cowboys, Hall of Famer Marcus Allen, Oakland Raiders all-pro receiver Tim Brown, high-scoring Dallas Stars center Brett Hull, former NFL star and NBC color analyst Ahmad Rashad, 1998 Winter Games freestyle skiing gold medalist Jonny Moseley and Hall of Fame third baseman Mike Schmidt.
Brett also prompted some belly laughs when he recalled his 1983 pine tar incident.
"If that pine tar event wouldn't have happened, they would have been checking my clubs for Preparation H," said Brett, who battled hemorrhoids during his unsuccessful bid to hit .400 in one season.
O'Hurley, who followed Brett, in the conference's order of speakers, didn't miss a chance to needle the Hall of Famer.
"This is a great country. At the age of 10, I was cut from my Little League team, and 35 years later George Brett is my warmup act," O'Hurley said.
The 47-year-old Rhoden ran away with last year's title, winning by a record nine strokes. The Dodgers pitcher was the only player under par when strong winds decimated the field for the first two rounds. Rhoden's winning score of 4-under-par 212 left retired hockey player Dan Quinn and 1996 champion Billy Joe Tolliver a distant second at 5-over 221.
"Saturday afternoon we had wind gusts of 58 mph. I know that for a fact because at 50 mph my hair starts to move and at 58 it starts to snap off," O'Hurley joked.
With his $100,000 first place check in 1999, Rhoden topped $500,000 in earnings in nine celebrity championship appearances - more than double his closest pursuer Dick Anderson.
Tickets will be available at the course each day of the event. Tuesday and Wednesday practice rounds are $10 per day; Thursday's Celebrity-Amateur and tournament play on Friday, Saturday and Sunday are $15 per day. For advance tickets, call the Lake Tahoe Visitors Authority Central Reservations at (800) AT-TAHOE.