Letter: presidential candidates

Who will be our next president? Let's take a look at some of the hopefuls, and see what they have to offer. First the ex athletes: Bill Bradley and Jesse Ventura. Bradly would be the first president able to slam dunk a basketball, and Ventura would be the first president capable of body slamming a 300 pound opponent. Now there's two important qualities we can give serious thought to.

Next, the three richest candidates: Steve Forbes, Donald Trump and Ross Perot.

Forbes would give us a flat tax that would make the rich richer, and leave the rest of us flatter than his tax. Trump doesn't know much about running a country, but we would have the most beautiful First Lady of all time.

As far as Perot is concerned, I have two words: NO WAY. The man is a whacko. And what about Pat Buchanan? Buchanan would probably pick up on Hitler's final solution, but I doubt if he would get many votes from the Jewish community.

We now come to the three leading candidates: Al Gore, John McCain and George W. Bush. Gore is a bore. McCain has a nasty temper, and George W. is trying to hide a very naughty past. Orin Hatch suggests all candidates get on the same bus and campaign in the same cities at the same time. I suggest they all put on their clown uniforms, squeeze into a Volkswagen bug, and look for work at Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey.

So, who will be our next president? God only knows, and God isn't talking for fear of showing favoritism by revealing party affiliation.

GENE RATNER

Carson City