I'd been out of kindergarten for a long time and I was a little nervous. This is why I felt like Gulliver meeting the Lilliputians when I first walked into the kindergarten classroom at Bordewich-Bray Elementary School.
It was safe. There were no little kids carrying long pieces of rope to tie me down and walk all over me.
Some friends were trying to scare me beforehand by saying that children were extremely capable of all sorts of discord and mayhem if you let your guard down and can't -- gulp! -- keep them entertained or, at least, occupied.
"They can be like a mini-mob or a pack of wild dogs if a few of them jump on you and make you lose your balance," one noted. "You better be interesting or it'll be curtains!"
I had been invited by instructor Judy Rand to talk about what I do for a living and to read to the little kids. March is National Reading Month. Elementary schools across the country are marking the event by emphasizing this crucial skill.
The only one of the three R's that actually starts with an "R" is reading. Semi-literates must have came up with that moldy oldie.
Even Kenny Furlong, Carson City's sheriff, has read to elementary school kids this month. He read a couple of books, showed all of the students his sheriff's badge and even offered one boy his gold tie tack with a star in the center.
Obviously an overachiever, he even sang. Now that takes guts! One of the kids later even described him as "cool."
I don't believe my visit went as well as Sheriff Furlong's. I wasn't nearly as cool. My job, comparatively, is very uncool. I can't sing. I don't wear a uniform. I don't even have a badge.
But I can read. Especially if it's kindergarten-level fare. Virtually any semi-literate adult can.
I ended up reading to two kindergarten classes at once, at least 40 kids. They were all crowded together, sitting cross-legged on the floor and staring up at me with expectant, optimistic expressions on their little faces.
I stayed standing because it made me feel more secure. And alert. Though my friends' comments were just silly, they were still planted in the back of my mind. I also had no room to sit on the floor because they were sitting extremely close. I would have sat down on a chair but the one next to me was kid-size.
I didn't want to break it because schools are always short on money. Even little chairs probably cost a lot of money.
One more concern I had about visiting schoolchildren: Newsrooms are places where one can easily catch a bad case of potty mouth. Nowhere else do so many educated people spew so many four-letter words when they're hungry, worried, curious, grumpy, happy, sleepy, sneezy... anytime.
If we had an office swear jar, it would be the size of Rhode Island. We'd quickly have enough money to buy that entire state.
And my investment would be sizable. I first learned how to cuss when I was around kindergarten age. An expert tutored me in the fine art of using profanities and obscenities: A former sailor.
There's a reason why the phrase "cuss like a sailor" exists. His name is Boats.
I cuss a lot, but I really let loose when I'm nervous. It's a good thing Ms. Rand was able to make me feel at ease and make me appear much less boring than I really am. These kids learned no new four-letter words from me, lucky for their parents.
What a #$%& relief!
Time came for my reading selection: "Little Danny Dinosaur." The story explained why it's good to be small when everyone else around you is big. A message with which kindergartners could easily relate.
Children who are regularly and frequently read aloud to at home have a higher success rate all around in school, according to the National Education Association. Only 53 percent of children ages 3 to 5 are read aloud to by a family member, however.
And children in families with incomes below the poverty line were less likely to be read aloud to everyday than are children in families with incomes at or above poverty level, the National Center for Education Statistics reports. This means opportunities to hear some read to them is extremely beneficial for little kids, it's even more important to little poor kids. National Reading Month isn't over yet. And little kids should be read to every day, not just during the month of March.
If you think you would make a good reader to kids, call an elementary school to see if they need you. Or if you're a parent who doesn't often read aloud to their child, it might be a good idea to do it more often.
Just watch for a case of potty mouth, which can spread more rapidly than lice in a schoolroom. It's already more prevalent than even the juiciest town gossip in a newsroom.
And welcome to Lulliput. Hope your stay was as pleasant as mine.
Terri Harber works on the Nevada Appeal's news desk.