Some things to remember in new year

Happy New Year 2005! And happy birthday to Judy Lowther and Carl Dahlen ... they are both "somewhat older" today. How old, you ask? For great sums of money, we'd be happy to tell ... they're both old (that word keeps cropping up) theater buddies ... we miss them (no, they didn't croak ... they just aren't "active" any more in theater, that is) ... "and many mooooore ... "

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Something to remember this year ... (courtesy of the late and funny Ed Glick Sr.) "The Legislature is coming, The Legislature is coming ... keep your children and pets off the street." Also, remember to keep your boots, mittens and snow shovels close by ... and kitty litter to keep from slipping ... and if we hear one more person say, "This doesn't help the drought," we may become "guests" of Sheriff Ken Furlong when we strangle them ... (we'd like the "Martha Stewart" suite, please ... )

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Something to forget from last year ... a picture of Santa in a Speedo ... mercy ...

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Since Mel Rappaport, our friend from Long Island, knows we like to go out and eat a lot ... he sent us this story (adapted for us, of course) ... "Carolyn and Maizie went to breakfast where the 'senior special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "That sounds good," says Carolyn, "but I don't want the eggs." The waitress warned her, "I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte." "You mean I have to pay extra because I don't want the eggs," she asked? "Yep," said the waitress. "Then I'll take the special." "Well, how do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," she replied. She then took them home with her. Moral of the story: Don't mess with the Big C ... "

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All our best to Mayor Ray and Diane Masayko ... they are great people and "did our community proud" ... and congratulations and good luck to Mayor Marv Teixeira ... may you have a good tour "the second time around" ...

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We take so many things for granted ... clean air, fresh water, food, clothes, a place to live ... yet, in an instant, it can all be taken away ... according to TJ Saputra, our friend at the Basil and a native of southeast Asia, an entire tribe of people in Indonesia were wiped off their island by the tsunami that occurred in that part of the world, an addition to the many thousands of horror stories of other people who died or are suffering in that area.

Not only are your prayers and good thoughts wanted, but also money ... lots of it ... please send some to any of the charities that are working so hard to alleviate the suffering there. They will need help for a long, long time ...

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Now, something for nurses ... did you know that if you let the alcohol dry before giving a shot, it won't sting? Keep that in mind the next time you poke us ...

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For those of you still smarting from the election (and there are those) ... there's "Not one damn dime day" coming up on Jan. 20, Inauguration Day ... those opposed to the policies of the administration are trying to get people to not spend one dime or farthing on that day in protest ... not for anything, anywhere, anybody, nothing ... it's your choice ...

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We would also suggest to the Bush administration to cut back on the 17 inaugural parties planned for that day, and send the money to southeast Asia as a gesture of good will ... now, that would send a welcome, compassionate message ...

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We received some "wonderful" stories from a friend about Arkansas (hey, we're equal opportunity state bashers) ... "A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow ... but she can't touch it 'til she's 14."

"A Nevada state trooper pulled over a pickup with Arkansas license plates and said to the driver, "Got any ID?" "Bout wut?" asked the driver."

And, "A new law was passed in Arkansas ... when a couple gets divorced, they're still cousins." (We're not prejudiced ... Maizie used ta live thar ...)

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And Diane Fisher sent us some of "Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage" ... "My wife and I go out to dinner two times a week for a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays ... I go on Fridays."

"We also sleep in separate beds ... hers is in California, mine is in Texas."

"We always hold hands ... if I let go, she shops."

And, "She got a mudpack and looked great for two days ... then the mud fell off." Yeooow ...

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May your new year be healthy, prosperous, kind, and humorous ... with all the problems in the world, we can all strive to be better ... and thank you all for letting us have our opinions, skewed as some of you think they are ... we do appreciate your comments and kindnesses ... most sincerely, Carolyn and Maizie ...

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.