Sheriff Furlong is doing just fine, thanks

Ain't it da truth? We'll never tell ..."A man phoned Carson Tahoe Regional Medical Center. 'Hello. Would you connect me to the person who gives information about patients? I'd like to find out how a patient is doing.' The voice on the other end said, 'What is the patient's name and room number?' 'Sheriff Kenny Furlong, room 302.' 'I'll connect you with the nursing station.' '3-A nursing station. How may I help you?' 'I'd like to know the condition of Sheriff Furlong in room 302.' 'Just a moment, sir. Let me look at his records. Ah, the sheriff is doing very well. In fact, he's had two full meals, his blood pressure is fine, he's been taken off the heart monitor and will probably be released soon. The man said, 'What a relief. That's wonderful news.' The nurse said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close friend or relative?' 'Neither ... I'm Sheriff Furlong in 302. Nobody here tells me anything.'" (thanks to Vern Manke for the real scoop).

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At a Catholic ceremony last week, Bishop Calvo asked all the priests to rise and renew their vows. Our dear Sister Marie McGloin stood up, ready to renew her vows as well (apparently "someone, who shall be nameless," was not listening attentively). The bishop didn't miss a beat. "Sorry, Sister, this is just for priests (Sister, somewhat embarrassed, sat back down) ... you're not a priest ... YET!" So, "Father" Marie, you have it from the horse's mouth (well, you know what we mean) ... there's still hope for next year.

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Do you ever notice that when health inspections are listed in the papers, that schools almost always score 100 percent? Why is it that some restaurants have so much trouble getting a perfect score? It's the owners/management, folks. If they don't demand a perfect place, you can be sure they won't get one. Now you know who to blame if you don't get a clean spoon.

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The "Escape from Prison Hill" half marathon (13.1 miles) is coming up Saturday, April 29, to benefit the Douglas County Search and Rescue. Fees are $40 for the half marathon and $70 for the two-person relay. For additional information, call 775-230-8483 ... and get ready for a challenging day.

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Well, did we ever score on lunches last week. First, Father Jerry took us out to Glen Eagles, where we ate our little hearts out; then we went to lunch at Garibaldi's with our "old" editor, Barry Smith, along with Andy Harvey, Steve Wassner and Deborah Greco; next, we tied on the old feed-bag with Barry Ginter, our "new" editor, at Thai Basil. All charming people ... and good food too ... it don't get any better than that (yeah, we know that's bad English ... but when you're sitting down with your feet up, sipping something ... it don't).

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Dwight Millard's Empire Ranch Golf Course will celebrate its 10th anniversary beginning today and lasting for 10 days, with a round of golf for $10 each day (call 885-2100 for reservations). They're also celebrating "no more red sand" in the sand traps and hiring a new manager, Keith Stoll (formerly of Eagle Valley and Sun Ridge). Lots of new paint and an upgraded pro shop complete the picture. It's always nice to see our local businesses succeed here in good ol' CC ... congratulations.

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Warm fuzzies to all the friends of Fritzie Franck ... she's doing well after her recent hip replacement. Maybe she and the governor can swap stories. May she, Gov. Guinn and Sheriff Furlong all feel better soon. Also, T-ball, girl's softball and Little League have begun ... what a treat to go see our "national pastime" played with such enthusiasm ... and thanks to the coaches, umpires, etc. for putting in their time to make it a wonderful, fun sport for so many kids.

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Ken Fraser tells us that, "Working people frequently ask retired people what they do all day. Well, for example, I went into a shop the other day and came out five minutes later to see a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, 'C'mon, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a jerk, and he started writing another ticket about having bald tires. So, I called him a nit-wit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket ... this continued on for about 20 minutes ... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. What do I care? I rode the bus to town.'" Tch, tch, tch ...

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So a local kid blows a chance at a $100, 000 scholarship by spraying graffiti around town to get "respect." Respect? From whom? Other dumb taggers? Or the cartoon characters on his "game?" What was he thinking? Oh ... erase that ... he wasn't thinking. Sort of like the top dogs in our government. Who cares what the outcome is ... if it feels good, do it.

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Good stuff: Maizie's thrilled to learn that Sierra Joe's (formerly Lefty's) will have authentic Philly cheese steak sandwiches ... she hasn't had a "real" one since being in Philadelphia several years ago. We also appreciate hearing from Eve Mason, who "loves" the big drainage pond by the freeway ... "maybe it could be a catch-and-release bass pond?"; and from Suzann Kelly of Dayton Valley, who, with good humor, would like to save us from ourselves. Terry Ward would like us to sponsor a contest to name the new freeway ... i.e. "Wandering Skipper Freeway." Think we'll pass on that idea for a while. And a thank you to Juan Toledo for being nice to Carolyn while in line at the post office a couple of weeks ago.

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A true story from Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada: "I had just finished telling a relative that her uncle had died from a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I overheard her reporting to the rest of the family that he'd died of a 'massive internal fart.'" Ouch ... kind of blows you away, doesn't it ... Happy birthday, Kress and Ward ... don't forget the IRS on Monday ... and happy Easter to all!

• Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.