I used to regret having been too young to experience the sixties, with all their excitement, changing culture and historical events.
I was exactly 3 months old when John F. Kennedy was shot. I hadn't started kindergarten yet by the time his brother and Martin Luther King met the same fate. I interpreted the events of Vietnam as if war was just something that was ongoing, never ending.
I don't have those regrets anymore, not after seeing what an unpopular war can do to a country.
Every day I see and hear the most vile attacks by Americans on Americans who disagree about the conflict in Iraq. They fight over who is more patriotic, who loves their country more, who is right and who is wrong. They hurl insults, question each other's loyalty, and even threaten violence. It's splitting us apart.
No matter how hard each side fights, I fear there will be no clear winner. The wound is too deep, and getting deeper. The danger is that, like Vietnam, it may never truly heal.
I can see now that this isn't a war any more. That ended just as George Bush said it did, standing on that aircraft carrier with the words "Mission Accomplished" behind him. What we have now is an occupation.
The goal of a war is to win. The goal of an occupation is to leave. We need to realize the difference.
We say the occupation is in the best interests of Iraqis, yet the people there resist, oftentimes violently. The chances either side will change their minds is remote, which is why long ago we, as a country, decided that we would settle our differences at the ballot box instead of the battlefield. And most of the time, it works.
And that's what we need to do in Iraq. Let them vote.
We gave Iraq the gift of democracy, and it's high time they used it. They have approved a constitution and elected a government. Now it's time they put the most important current issue to a vote of the people.
Should Americans stay, or should they go?
A simple ballot question could change this whole conflict, and heal two countries.
Let the people who know best vote on whether we stay the course or leave. It's the Iraqis who have to live with the consequences. It is they who know what is happening on the ground. It is their families who are being killed by terrorist bombs and American bullets.
Let them decide, because most of them don't trust us. They think we are there to steal their oil, and that is a perception that is impossible to change.
Well, not impossible.
If we sanctioned the vote on our continued occupation and pledged to abide by the result, it just might change some minds. Insurgents might find it more fruitful to lay down their guns and vote. They might have better luck pursuing their aims through peaceful means rather than roadside bombs.
Maybe by proving we have their best interests at heart, they might actually ask us to stay.
And that would be a triumph for the world's newest democracy, and a salve for the oldest, to help us heal our self-inflicted wounds.
Our country is weakest when we are divided. We will need our strength as we chart a course in this new century of change. We are the big kid on the block, and a lot of folks out there would like to see us knocked off our perch. We can choose to either be leaders of the free world, or just another power-hungry empire ready to be felled.
The so-called Neocons dreamed of making Iraq into a democratic beacon in the middle of the Arab world. Here is their chance to make that happen.
Let the Iraqis vote on their future so we can end this stalemate, and bring peace to two countries that desperately need it.
• Kirk Caraway is Internet editor of the Nevada Appeal. Write to him at kcaraway@nevadaappeal.com, or comment online at nevadaappeal.com.