Suckers are born for PPV

Do all boxing fans have a giant "Sucker" tattoo stamped on their foreheads?

Evidently the suits who market the sport seem to think so, or at least they are naïve enough to believe that Joe and Jane Six Pack can afford pay-per-view every time they want to watch a fight.

For those taking a look ahead on the boxing calendar, you'd better bring your pocket calculator.

Starting this Saturday, we'll be treated to the first of four PPV events in four weeks. Good for the fan, bad for the wallet.

Golden Boy Promotions will be highlighting WBO Interim featherweight titlist Juan Manuel Marquez, WBO super bantamweight beltholder Daniel Ponce De Leon and Juan Lazcano on Oct. 21. And, just to spice things up, the Golden Boy will make sure that these three boxers will even have opponents.

We all know that Marquez, 45-3-1 with 34 knockouts, is a quality fighter. We saw him dismantle tough Terdsak Jandaeng at MontBleu Resort Casino and Spa in August.

But when I found out that his opponent would be (drum roll, please)...Jimrex Jaca, that was it for me. I threw out my phone bill and chose to watch this PPV card.

We all know Jaca, right?

Yes, Jaca. He's a Filipino tough guy with a record of 27-2-1 (12). Boxrec.com even ranks him No. 54 in the world. And he's also one fight removed from a loss to the memorable Nobuhito Hanmo.

And I know you are already familiar with Ponce De Leon's history, but let me freshen up the memories of less informed fans.

Ponce De Leon, 29-1 (26), is coming off a one-round knockout of (hit the dance music)...Sod Looknongyangtoy and is one fight removed from defeating 31-6 Gerson Guerro.

Now that I have carpal tunnel syndrome from typing Looknongyangtoy, things are looking up as we learn of Ponce De Leon's next victim - I mean opponent - Al Seeger.

You know Seeger, right? "Turn the Page." "Night Moves."

Oh wait. That was Bob Seger.

Oh yeah, Al Seeger, 27-1 (21). He's from Savannah, Ga. He's even got an IBA "world championship." And two of his seven last opponents have winning records, including Cesar Morales (19-4).

By now you must certainly see the value of this card, but I can't let you off the hook until we talk about contender Lazcano's opponent, Manuel Garnica.

Garnica is 20-5 (11) and is coming off a victory over former WBA junior welterweight challenger Carlos Maussa. Not a bad name to have on Garnica's resume, right?

Not so fast. Before he upset Maussa, Garnica was stopped by 8-0 Michael Rosales. And Garnica also lost his fight before that, against John John Molina.

In 1999.

Gee, what a great card. I wonder who will win these fights. I can't wait. Who needs a phone when I can spend my money watching such a high-quality card.

On November 4 - when HBO will present its PPV card - the best boxer in the game, Floyd Mayweather, will challenge world welterweight champion Carlos Baldomir.

Yes, Baldomir, 43-9-6 (13), defeated Zab Judah to win the belt before defending it with a knockout over Arturo Gatti, but does anyone really believe he'll beat three-division champion Mayweather, 36-0 (24)?

I do.

If Mayweather breaks both fists on Baldomir's melon. And sprains an ankle after tripping over the charging Argentinean. And enters the fight sick and is on antibiotics.

Here's a pay-per-view fight: How about Mayweather vs. Oscar De La Hoya?

But Mayweather-Baldomir? It's not PPV material - even if the card is spruced up with Robert Guerrero defending his freshly won IBF featherweight belt against Orlando Salido along with welterweight phenom Paul Williams fighting the dangerous Jacy Kuhn, 15-2-2 (10).

Nevermind that Williams is 31-0 (23). Kuhn, is coming off a victory over Vance Garvey, who was 6-20-4 coming into the fight. And so what if Garvey had only one fight in 2005, a win over 5-8 Marcus Luck. And we'll disregard Garvey's fight before that, a loss in 2004 to 6-3-1 Tony Black.

These are quality fights, people. I know I'd rather hand out my money for this card than pay my car insurance.

And by all means, forget that Showtime is offering (for free) the Sergei Liakhovich-Shannon Briggs brawl for the WBO heavyweight belt on that same Saturday, Nov. 4.

While I can't complain about paying to watch Manny Pacquiao-Erik Morales III on Nov. 18, it does mean I might miss a payment on my school loan.

But I have to draw the line somewhere on PPV. I am absolutely not going to pay to watch Evander Holyfield continue on his quest for the undisputed heavyweight championship of the world against Fres Oquendo on Nov. 10. No matter that there are four beltholders to conquer - Liakhovich, Wladimir Klitschko, Nicolai Valuev and Oleg Maskaev - should Holyfield beat Oquendo and a few more contenders.

I just can't do it - even if that PPV extravaganza does have Gabriel Elizondo facing Jose Navarro for the NA-something belt on the undercard.

If I paid to watch this card, I couldn't afford my cable bill. Like Dirty Harry once intoned, "A man has got to know his limitations."

It's too bad the PPV pushers just don't know theirs.