Autumn is in the air, and there's lots to do in Carson City

School's in session again, so slow down and don't mow over the kidlets, no matter what the incentive (i.e., zero population growth, loud cursing or middle finger waving). Just remember, they might be your kith and kin and we don't want to read about them getting knocked down by a speeding car. Thanks.

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The Carson Calendar Girls party was a great success at the Bliss Mansion on Saturday night. More than 300 people turned out to get their calendars and autographs, and partake of wine and food. The weather was lovely, and so was everybody there. Danielle was having a good day and was able to attend, which was great. Calendars go on sale locally on Sept. 1 at ZBistro, Mom & Pop's, the Purple Avocado and Expressions Family Hair Salon, to name a few. We'll have more later. Everyone involved, from the Bliss Mansion to the City licensing and health departments, was a big help. It was a really fun evening. Thanks to all.

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Ladies ... if you happen to be wandering around Carson on the Wine Walk on Saturday, drop by D'vine Wine and stomp some grapes between 1-3 p.m. We do hope you wash your feet BEFORE the stomping, but, then again, if you've all been drinking wine, maybe it won't make any difference (or does that give it flavor?). Obviously, the "connoisseur" part of us is somewhat lacking.

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The last Farmer's Market takes place tomorrow, so be sure you stop by and stock up on supplies to carry you over the winter ... you know, stuff to can, preserve, and put in your root cellar. You can never be "too prepared." After all FEMA can't do everything. (We know ... the devil made us say that).

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Dave Campbell offers the following: "A man is in bed with his wife when he makes some unexpected advances to her. He rubs her arms, then her body, then begins to rub up and down her legs. She is getting very excited, and says, 'Dear, this isn't our regular Sunday time.' 'I know,' he breathes into her ear, 'I'm searching for the remote.'" So much for romance.

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The Nevada Public Health Foundation and the Carson Area Wellness Coalition are presenting a fundraiser "Let's Dance Carson City" on Sept. 15, 22 and 29, with the finals on Oct. 13. It's based on "Dancing with the Stars," and "stars" Linda Ritter, Anne Langer, Norma Conway, Helaine Jesse, Juan Guzman, John Liveratti, Ron Knecht, and Kenny Furlong, along with several "coaches" who can really dance. You can call the Brewery Arts Center at 883-1976 for details. Should be entertaining watching them "trip the light fantastic."

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Seems Carson City has been visited by a vampire recently. Apparently one of the people (?) picked up a couple of weeks ago by our gendarmes claimed she was a vampire and they could not take a picture of her (vampires don't show up in pictures, we're told) and that she could fly away at any time. Lo and behold, they took her picture and SHE SHOWED UP ... eeek. She was, however, right about one thing. They couldn't keep her because she "flew" off to Happy Haven (that place in Sparks where the lala's live). As far as we know, she's sleeping peacefully, but NOT in her coffin.

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Proscenium Players production of Noel Coward's "Blythe Spirit" will open on Sept. 14, at the Brewery Arts Center. Curtain time is 8 p.m., followed by the opening night champagne/sparkling cider gala. Tickets are available by calling 883-1976. This wonderful comedy is directed by Warren Schader, and features Eloise Koenig, Pat Hardy, and Jonni Moon, to name a few. The movie starred Cary Grant and is considered a classic. Warren guarantees some very mysterious things going on ... whooo, whooo (sort of fits in with the bat story).

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Congratulations to Mineah Holdridge of the Douglas High Tigers football team ... she's the only girl to be playing varsity football in the State of Nevada.

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Die hard, conservative, Bush-backing, evangelical Republicans are looking to Fred Thompson as a great candidate. After all, he plays a "man's man" on TV and in movies. Gee, so did Rock Hudson. And they were right!

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Several worthwhile things going on around here soon: The 2007 MS Bike Ride at Northstar, Lake Tahoe on September 8 & 9, call 1-800-FIGHT-MS, option 2 for information; The Kids Auction and World's Greatest BBQ will be held on Sept. 8 at the Pony Express Pavilion at Mills Park at 3 p.m., featuring Colin Raye in concert at 7 (882-8820); Also the Tin Cup Tea & Chuckwagon BBQ will be held the same day at 5 p.m. at the Governor's Mansion (687-4810, ext. 222) to celebrate Nevada's heritage. Hosted by Governor and Mrs. Gibbons, it will benefit the Dept. of Cultural Affairs, and the Nevada State and W. M. Keck Museums. You won't go hungry!

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Dr. Rex Baggett came up with this one: "A blonde and a man were sitting in a bar watching a man about to jump on TV. The man bets the woman $20 that he's going to jump. She takes the bet and says he won't. Just then, he jumps and she gives the man his $20. He, though, gives it back to her and says he just can't take it because he saw the 5 o'clock news and knew he'd jumped. She looked at him and said she'd seen that, too. He asked her, then, why did she bet that he wouldn't? She looked at him and said, 'I didn't think he'd do it twice.'"

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Keri Putnam is seeking parade marshals for the Nevada Day parade (882-2600 for details). She is also rightly proud of her daughter, Pam, who was a National Merit semi-finalist and has received a four year Raymond H. Berner Memorial scholarship, which will cover her tuition and fees at the University of Pennsylvania. What a wonderful accomplishment. Her other two are at CHS ... Hannah is a senior and Rich is a freshman. Three reasons to be proud. Congratulations.

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And finally, DeeAnn Parsons came up with this one for the mentally challenged (us?): "A man making heavy breathing sounds into the phone told the worried operator, 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.'" Or inventive, maybe.

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse can be reached by e-mail at carolynandmaizie@yahoo.com