Tales indicates a case of frozen brains

Who said we're at the top of the food chain? The following two tales from a local service station make us wonder. In the first story, a lady came in on a day that was in the single digits outside and wanted her car washed. The attendant explained to her it was freezing outside and they didn't open the car wash when it was that cold because everything would freeze. She was unrelenting, however, so the man opened the car wash, let her through, and closed it down again immediately. About 45 minutes later, the phone rang at the service station. It was the lady who'd used the car wash. "You've got to come to Reno," she said. "Why?" asked the attendant. "My car doors are frozen shut and I can't get out of my car." The second story happened last Monday when a different woman (no, they weren't blondes, in case you were wondering) came in and wanted to run her car through the wash. The attendant told her that they wouldn't be opening up the car wash until it was at least 40 degrees outside. In an exasperated voice, she asked him, "And when will that be?" And these are the people we encourage to vote.

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These jokes Nina Bailey sent us fit right in here: "Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'" "Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and 12 blondes were stuck on the escalators for four hours." And the best for last: "A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with her left eye while covering her right eye. However, she got so mixed up, he put a paper bag over her head with an eye hole to see them. Immediately she started to cry. 'Look,' the doctor said, 'There's no need to get emotional about getting glasses.' 'I know,' the blonde sobbed, 'but I had my heart set on wire frames.'"

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Questions to ponder. Why can't religions rely on their own merits without having to kill, condemn, scare or coerce people if they don't believe or go along with them? What are they afraid of?

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Don and Elaine Quilici received a Christmas card from Denny and Joni Yeskie this week. They figure it was either late or very early, depending on which way you looked at it. We suggest they send the Yeskies a gift roll of stamps for a present, then maybe the cards will get out on time, or, barring that, a self-addressed stamped envelope. Either way, we didn't get a card from them at all, so at least you know they like you better than us.

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The Sierra Lyric Opera, under the direction of Gary Aldrich, will be performing Mendelsohn's "Elijah" on Saturday at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. in the Performance Hall at the Brewery Arts Center. Tickets are $15 general, $12 for seniors and BAC members, and $7.50 for children 12 and under and students with ID. For tickets and information, call 883-1976, and get "cultured."

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The First Presbyterian Church of Carson City is coming right along with their renovation to make the church larger and more up-to-snuff facility-wise. Good news for the congregation. And the Ormsby House looks great from the outside. Now, let's hope for equal time on the inside. Also, the Pinon Plaza will change its name to the Gold Dust West-Carson City, tomorrow night for those who might like to take in the festivities.

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Carolyn has a bone to pick with all the people who walk and cross the streets at night in dark clothing. Don't you know you are very hard to see? And, while you may have the right of way, if a car hits you, you won't be around to tell people you were in the right. Please wear something light or reflective. You'll make yourselves safer, and Carolyn a lot happier.

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Ron Saunders strikes again: "A drunk was proudly showing off his apartment, when his friend asked what the big brass gong and the mallet were for. 'It's a talking clock,' he said. 'Seriously?' asked the friend. 'Sure,' said the drunk, 'just watch.' He picked up the mallet and hit the gong with an ear-splitting "bong," and stepped back. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You idiot ... it's three-fifteen in the morning.'"

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The Oscars will be presented on TV, Sunday, Feb. 25, 2007. Mallard's at Empire Ranch Golf Club will be hosting a dinner, along with champagne, beer and wine, all for $30 a pop, inclusive. You can get dressed up and see if your outfit rivals your favorite stars, and have a good time to boot. Call 885-1019 for reservations. It starts at 5 and runs 'til 9 p.m., and Chris Wyatt will emcee. Simply mahvelous, dahling.

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Danielle and Norma Conway wish to thank everyone for their generosity in helping them. They feel overwhelmed with gratitude and thank you for donating leave to Norma and funds to the Credit Union account. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And ditto for sending your best to Al Nicholson ... he's still mending, and appreciates your calls and visits. We also have three birthdays this week, two Olsons and a Nutt (M can't read her own writing, and C is out of cell-phone range). So happy birthday, we hope you know who you are.

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By the way, if you're going to the store this week, think about picking up an extra bag of pet food and donating it to F.I.S.H. They have clients who have pets who need care, too. Arf and meow.

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DeeAnn Parsons gives suggestions on how to pick a doctor. "Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and seem to need a hip replacement. The first patient is examined within the hour, is X-rayed the same day and has a time booked for the surgery the following week. The second patient sees his doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then gets an X-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week. Finally, his surgery is scheduled for six weeks from then. Why the difference between the two patients? The first is a golden retriever; the second is a senior citizen. DeeAnn thinks she'll be going to her veterinarian from now on."

Have a great week!