Irish stories abound this week

Top 'o the morning to ya, and to start the day off, an Irish story from Connie Lord: "Paddy O'Malley is sitting in a Dublin pub staring at his drink when a big troublemaking trucker comes in, grabs the drink and swigs it down in one gulp. Poor Paddy starts to cry and the truck driver says, 'Come on, lad, I was just giving ya a hard time. I can't stand to see a man cry, so I'll buy ya another.' 'This is the worst day of me life,' Paddy sobs. 'I canna do anything right. Me boss fired me, me car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home, but left me wallet in the cab. Then, when I got home, I found me wife in bed wi' the gardener. So, I came to the pub to work up my courage to end me life. Then, to top it all off, you show up and drink the damned poison.'"

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Father Jerry Hanley has announced his retirement in a few months, but he's still sticking around the area. We have a few "suggestions" on what he can do as a retiree: take up cooking lobsters, so he can "pay off" a debt; have weekly lunches with the rest of the old far ... 'er ... fathers in town. Sell used cars, join the circus, take up tap dancing ... there's no end to the possibilities. But, in any case, have a wonderful, fun-filled time. The same goes for Ben Grissom, who is retiring this week after working for the state some 30+ years. Maybe they can go fishing together. Both are great people.

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Randy Wright, a dentist in town, has done a wonderful thing. He furnished dental care to the daughter of a very ill woman here in town and didn't charge her a penny. Thanks, Dr. Wright, for caring.

And in the spirit of kindness, when the Proscenium Player's put on a benefit performance for Danielle Conway a week ago, the Brewery Arts Center donated the building rental. Kudos, and thanks, to all of you.

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Ahhhh, we are on the cutting edge. Over a month ago, after calling 511, the Nevada roads information number, Maizie called and told them they should add road "names" to their updates, instead of just saying "Highway 395 to Highway 431 is slippery (make up your own highway numbers)," say "Highway 395, from Parr Boulevard to Highway 431, the Mt. Rose junction, is slippery," because people don't know all the numbers, and they usually know the names. KOLO-TV agreed ... they did a story on that very thing recently, so let's hope the Highway Department listens. Thank you very much.

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Molly Sanders tells us about "Sean Donegal, who, waking up from anesthesia, said to his wife, 'You're a beautiful colleen.' His wife was very flattered, since Sean wasn't prone to saying things like that to her. A few minutes later, he flutters his eyes, and says, 'You're cute.' The wife frowned, and says, 'First I was beautiful, now I'm just cute ... what happened to 'beautiful?'' Sean looked up groggily. 'The drugs are wearing off.'"

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Coming up this week: Dorothy Tate ("someone's" sister) is getting a year older. Happy Birthday to Dorth. "Defending the Caveman," will be at the BAC (883-1976) starting Thursday. It's a hysterical "prehistoric" look at the battle of the sexes. And Elinor Berger tells us that Friendship Force, a group that promotes world peace, is celebrating their 30th anniversary this month. If you are interested in their work, please contact them at www.friendshipforce.org and get involved.

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When Carolyn's grandson, Reid, was small, he was at a funeral for his great uncle Earl. When the casket was brought in, Reid wanted to know, "Who's in the box?" "It's Uncle Earl," he was told. Later, at the graveyard, Uncle Earl was given full military honors because he served in the Navy in WWII. As the naval contingent was leaving with their guns, Reid asked, "Are they the one's who shot him?"

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"Mikey," the Carson City handyman who once rescued Carolyn from a bathroom at a Solstice party behind the governor's mansion (the door wouldn't open) sent us a joke, but we can't rescue him from it. (It's a "10" on the scale of political INcorrectness).

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But along those lines, Steve Wassner went to the Kinkaid building a couple of weeks ago, only to find everyone had moved (thank goodness). However, the directions to the new places were entirely in Spanish. Que pas?

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Jean Kvam has opened "The Sewing Studio" at 302 E. John St. here in Carson City. She has lots of great fabric for sale, gives sewing lessons, and teaches quilting. Her husband, Bob, is very proud of her. That's "sew" good (put groan here ____ ).

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Are you as tired of campaigns as we are? Just think, only 19 months to go. Wouldn't it be wonderful if campaigns were only three weeks to a month long; no lobbyist's or PAC's were involved; and they all got public funding or there was a cap on campaign spending? Think of all the wear and tear on themselves, their families and US we could avoid. And why isn't it that way? Just follow the money.

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This week, our mayor, Marv Teixeira, was arrested for drunken driving. It was a giant error in judgement. The Bible says it best about "casting the first stone." The mayor has always been great to us, so we support him in getting through this difficult time. He says it was a "wake-up call" for him, as well as for the many others who misjudge their impairment. CALL A CAB if you've been drinking. Or a friend. Your life, and those of others, depends on it.

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Terry Beauchamp sent us this one: "Two Irishmen are out fishing on a lake. Mick says to Seamus, 'Seamus, I think I'm gonna divorce Kathleen.' 'Why's that, Mick?' asks Seamus. 'Because she hasn't spoken to me in over two months,' he replies. Seamus ponders a minute, then says, 'You'd better rethink that Mick. Women like that are hard to find.'"

Have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.