A beagle could have done as well as Weis

Sports fodder for a Friday morning . . .

Yes, folks, the world as we know it has come to an end. Barry Bonds is starting to make sense. Bonds said this week that he would be a no-show at his own Hall of Fame induction ceremony if the ball he hit for home run No. 756 is in Cooperstown attached with an asterisk. Good for Barry. Why should Bonds honor the Hall of Fame with his presence when the Hall is making a joke of his record? The Hall of Fame, which is supposed to be the church of baseball, should not condone the act of some idiot who wants to destroy a sacred piece of baseball history.

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Do we really need to know the identity of every major league baseball player who purchased some sort of performance enhancing drug? The media and the powers that be in major league baseball need to know one thing. Baseball fans, if they can walk and chew gum at the same time, assume that every player who played in the big leagues from about 1995-2005 used, experimented or at least inquired about the availability of performance enhancing drugs. And you know what? We don't care. We understand why they did it - to remain competitive and keep their jobs - and nobody blames them. So stop tainting the careers of big leaguers with sales receipts, rumors and sensational headlines.

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It is time for Charlie Weis to go back to the NFL. When you lose to Navy, like Weis' Notre Dame disaster did last week, it's time for you to leave. Unless the game is being played on water, there is absolutely no reason for Notre Dame to ever lose to Navy in any sport, let alone football. Notre Dame is 1-8. Remember when an 0-1 record would start the rumors about a Notre Dame coach getting fired. How has Weis escaped the burning torches of South Bend? What has the guy ever done in coaching except coach Tom Brady? Your pet Beagle could coach Tom Brady. Weis, though, has somehow gained legendary status as an Irish coach, as if his last name was Leahy, Rockne, Parseghian or Holtz. Was Weis the model for Touchdown Jesus?

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Why hasn't Nebraska fired Bill Callahan yet? We understand that Kansas is a good football team? But 76 points? Kansas didn't used to score that much on Nebraska in an entire decade, let alone a little more than three quarters. Think the Wolf Pack wouldn't like to play Nebraska again?

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Major league baseball says it is going to consider using instant replay on home run balls. Bad idea. Anything that makes baseball games longer is a bad thing. We can see it now, especially in the postseason. The umpires disappear into the clubhouse to watch video and 15 minutes later emerge to tell the world, "Well, we couldn't tell whether that ball was fair or foul. So the original call stands." And do you really think the umpires are going to take away home runs from the home team after all of the fireworks have been exploded and the curtain calls out of the dugout have taken place? And what do you think will happen to TV ratings during that 15 minutes? By that time most casual fans will have already turned the channel to watch how desperate the housewives really are.

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If I'm the New England Patriots, I don't want to play the Indianapolis Colts in the postseason - in New England or Indianapolis.

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Is there a good reason for the San Francisco Giants to even consider bringing back Omar Vizquel? The man is pushing 80-years-old. The Giants need to get younger. When your 75-year-old ball boy sitting down the left field line is younger than your shortstop, you have problems.

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The team that gives Alex Rodriguez $35 million a year for 10 years will automatically become the team I hate the most. That is roughly $60,000 for each at bat and $215,000 a game. And, oh yeah, about $35 million for each postseason victory. Remember when ballplayers used to drive beer trucks and sell insurance in the off season to help pay the rent? OK, I'm old. But those were the types of guys you could cheer for. How do you root for a guy making $215,000 a game?

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Finally. A Detroit Lions-Green Bay Packers Thanksgiving Day game that won't give you a stomach ache before you even begin to baste the turkey.

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Don Shula and all the rest of the 1972 Miami Dolphins simply need to go away and hide. Shula said this week that the NFL needs to put an asterisk next to the Patriots record this year if the Patriots go undefeated. It seems Shula doesn't like the fact that Pats coach Bill Belichick was caught cheating. We can see it now. Shula will buy the football that Tom Brady throws for the winning pass in this year's Super Bowl, giving the Pats a perfect 19-0 record. Shula will then paint a giant asterisk on the side of the ball - right next to an ad for Shulaís Steakhouse - to give to the Hall of Fame in Canton.

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How about a Detroit Lions-Cleveland Browns Super Bowl? Could happen? Hey, the Colorado Rockies got to the World Series, didn't they?

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Dean Smith was the only defender who could hold Michael Jordan under 20 points a game. Well, Norv Turner is the only man who could keep LaDainian Tomlinson under two touchdowns a game.

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Why isn't the national media declaring Gardner-Webb's upset of Kentucky in college basketball the greatest upset in sports history? Come on now. It's been a good two months since we've had the greatest upset in sports history. We need one.

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Let's hope Roger Clemens knows when to say when. It's time for Clemens to call it a career. Yes, the Houston Astros need a closer now that they've traded Brad Lidge to the Philadelphia Phillies. And, yes, Clemens, could still get big league hitters out. But as a closer? That would require that Clemens actually start his season in April and be at the ballpark every single day at home and on the road. That's not going to happen.