Have you ever noticed how papers breed on flat surfaces?
I don't know what happens, but the one paper I lay on the counter in my kitchen multiplies exponentially. I think it happens in the dark while I'm sleeping. Like worms, I think paper is able to breed itself.
I've made three husbands and a few boyfriends nuts with this paper pile that keeps happening, but I disavow any knowledge of how it happens.
And boy does it, faster than a litter of kittens.
I have noticed the level of growth is directly related to how busy I am in other areas of my life. The busier I am, the more it grows. Obviously, when the cat's away, the mouse plays. Speaking of species that multiply rapidly.
Any rate, I finally found some time recently to go through the pile, sort things out, mail off the free DVD offer my children insisted we buy 90 boxes of cereal to earn, and throw out the 10 pounds of envelopes and inserts that companies think I read every month.
We'll see how long the counter stays visible this time.
•••
Two weeks ago in Dayton, pigs flew and hell froze over.
You think I jest?
I happened to be watching Tucker Carlson on MSNBC, and his guest that day was Ann Coulter, that infamous goddess of (dare I say) hate-mongering.
When suddenly with her pronouncement that she did not believe women should be in combat, I looked out my window. Sure enough, 12 pigs with wings were passing over my house. Even though I couldn't see it, the pigs were all the confirmation I needed that hell had frozen over.
Because on this point alone, I agree with her. I think it will be another lifetime before I experience being one with her again.
So my girlfriend called me the other day and said she's thinking she would like to be a columnist billing herself as the "anti-Ann Coulter."
"Can you do it without being hateful?" I asked.
"Good question," she replied. "I would hope there could be intelligent political discourse without resorting to (Coulter's) tactics."
Yes, we could hope.
Never did think pigs could fly or hell would freeze, either.
•••
"Tis the haunting season!
We went to Dayton State Park's Haunted Trail Walk last week. It was a fun way to spend family time, with two trails - one for children 7 and under and one for the rest of us "kids."
Of course, we ran in to lots of folks we knew and had a good time, and there's more to come.
The second annual Fall Festival and Haunted House hosted by Central Lyon Youth Connections opened last night at Community Roots Nursery.
The continuing schedule is as follows: The haunted house takes place tonight and Saturday from 6-9 p.m. The festival, which includes pumpkin and fall decorations and trees noon-6 p.m. today and Saturday and noon-4 p.m. Sunday.
Cost for the haunted house is $4 for children 8-16 and $6 for adults. Minimal costs are associated with the festival and bounce house.
The dance has been canceled, as news of the community center's safety issues came out. There is no place to conduct that event. Proceeds from the Haunted House and Fall Festival benefit Youth Connections and Healthy Communities Coalition.
Enjoy a "Spirited" Walking Tour of Old Town Dayton tonight from 5:30-9 p.m. The walk starts at Dayton Museum on Shady Lane at Logan Alley. Hosted by the Historical Society of Dayton Valley, this is a by-donation fundraiser. Get your map at the museum. Prizes will be offered for children and certified mock weddings take place for $5. For information, call Linda at 246-0505 or Vicki at 246-9396.
• Karel Ancona-Henry can be reached at kanconahenry@sierranevadamedia.com or at 246-4000.