I stayed outside too long at a beach this weekend, but at least I'm an adult so no one is allowed to smack my sunburn.
Children smack each other's sunburns all the time. I could never play along with that game, however, because it made me too mad.
I guess it's one thing to smack someone on the sunburn because you hate them, but quite another thing to smack someone and expect that person to have a good time.
It's true that children hurt each other in many ways adults are not allowed to participate in. They poke each other, pinch each other and even tell each other that if their hands are bigger than their faces, they have cancer.
The point, of course, is to hit that person's hand into that person's face, but I don't even think that is a legitimate trick. That's like telling someone, "Hey guess what?" and then hitting that person in the nose.
Some adults, however, still think it's OK to hit other adults for fun. These are the people that see a Volkswagen Beetle or "Bug" and then punch the person next to them and say, "Slug Bug!"
"What?" not enough people say. "What game are we playing? I have entered into no agreement providing parameters for this event."
And, if people can play "Slug Bug" without asking me first, can I just make up my own game?
Could I see a Volkswagen Rabbit, for instance, yell "Stab it Rabbit" and pull out a hunting knife?
Anyway, even being an adult, a sunburn is still bad because it makes me act like I've been injured in a war.
"Please," I might ask someone as I'm lying on the couch with one arm stretched to the ceiling, "could you bring me a glass of water and a cool rag?"
Sunburns are also bad, because people always have advice to give you when they see that you have a sunburn.
"Hey," they say, "you should have worn sunscreen on the places where you got burned."
This, of course, isn't helpful, but it is even less helpful because I am so pale, sunscreen can do little for me.
This skin condition isn't something I chose but, for some reason, my paleness not only surprises people, but annoys them.
"Ugh," they say, "you are really, really white."
This is true, but at least it's no longer socially acceptable for anyone to smack my sunburn.
- Contact reporter Dave Frank at dfrank@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1212. His column, "Songs in the Key of Me," appears Thursdays.