Dipatch from Iraq: The hazards of espresso in triple-digit heat

Camp Arifjan, Kuwait

Aug. 19, 2:30 a.m.

Given the choice between pulling back-to-back missions and down time, I would much rather be cruising Iraqi highways staring at mud huts and desert, and dodging potholes, camel spiders and "dub-dubs."

("Dub-Dubs" are giant, beige, 4-foot-long Kuwaiti lizards that are so named for the distinctive sound they make when you run them over with an up-armored Humvee at 45 mph. "Dub-Dub.")

Unfortunately, given the number of troops assigned to gun-truck and convoy-escort security missions, there are only so many patrols to go around, which means that some of us are always waiting on sidelines until we get called in for the big play. I have several friends that are fighting in Afghanistan now, and I have to admit that I feel guilty as I write this. I'm sure that they would kill for a little down time, free from mortars, IEDs and small arms fire, and the chance to enjoy some of the amenities that we do have here at Camp Arifjan. My apologies, boys!

Life for us here is backward. As the rainy season approaches in Kuwait, it's too hot and humid to work or do anything outdoors during the day. I joke with friends back home that I left my seniority at the Carson City Sheriff's Office to travel 7,000 miles across the globe and work the graveyard shift. Just my luck. Fortunately, Arifjan has a fairly adequate nightlife for those of us that live like vampires, and plenty of distractions from the daily grind for those brave souls who dare venture out into the sunlight.

Shopping at the PX

If one chooses to risk sunburn and dehydration during daylight hours, there's always the PX. It's a complex roughly twice the size of Walgreens. The PX is stocked with everything a soldier might need, from personal hygiene items to electronics, clothing to books, CDs, DVDs, groceries and jewelry. The only downside is that the Kuwaiti-run facility seems to mark everything 25-percent to 50-percent above what you might spend for the same item in the states.

But trust me, I'd rather spend the extra cash than suffer being beaten by my fellow soldiers with a sock full of oranges for refusing to replace my deodorant. Besides, we Americans come from a society that relishes instant gratification. It is much easier to simply hand over the $20 for a DVD, or $200 to replace an iPod than wait two weeks or more to have it mailed from home and risk it getting "lost" in transit.

That reminds me, if I ever find the Air Force mail clerks from Khandahar Airfield in Afghanistan that "lost" my two boxes of goodies from home, they'll be introduced to a new level of pain and suffering yet unknown to mankind.

When not replacing deodorant or financing a new iPod, we can always visit the MWR (Morale, Welfare, Recreation) facility. The MWR is a nice break from the daily grind of the eat-workout-watch movies-sleep routine that is our life between missions. At the MWR, we can watch any number of channels on big-screen TVs, play video games, billiards, rent movies, use the WiFi, or just hang out and visit with friends in air-conditioned comfort.

Keeping up on concerts

The MWR is also the place to keep track of upcoming concert events at Arifjan. The USO usually sponsors big-name performers, from NFL cheerleaders (always a favorite with the troops) to country western and hip-hop artists. Mark Chesnutt recently performed here. I'm personally holding out for a visit from Toby Keith, but that's just me.

There are several Kuwaiti-run souvenir shops and brand-name shops such as Oakley that make up the outdoor bazaar. There's a barber shop, nail parlor, massage center, even a Chrysler and Harley-Davidson dealership! My buddy Jake Sere recently bought himself a brand new Harley- Davidson motorcycle that he'll have shipped when he goes home on leave this winter.

Keeping fit

The Army is big on personal fitness. The Kuwaitis (God bless 'em) spare no expense when it comes to the gym. Called "No Excuses," the gym is a huge facility and the equipment is top-notch. Personally, the gym is the highlight of my day and I hate when I have to skip a visit. Those daily workouts prepare us to successfully complete our physical fitness test, which we are required to pass or we can't go out on the road.

Fortunately, at my age, all I have to do to pass is show up, fog a mirror and register a discernible pulse. Ahhh, the benefits of AARP!

Arifjan is also equipped with an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Now, before any of our wives or girlfriends back home envision tanned, toned and thong-clad female soldiers, think again. This is Kuwait, not the pool at the Mandalay Bay Casino in Las Vegas. Modesty is the watchword. Think of 19th century women clad neck to ankle at the Jersey shore and you get an approximate picture.

I mean, if they once lopped off hands here for stealing, I shudder to think what they would lop off for dressing like you just showed up for a Sports Illustrated swimsuit shoot. Still, it's nice to lie poolside, plug the iPod in and soak up a little sun. It's amazing how quickly you tan when it's 132 degrees outside.

Dining out

Food is plentiful here at Arifjan. If you tire of the usual fare at the dining facility there's always the food court. Hardee's, KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway, Baskin Robbins, and my personal favorite Starbucks, make up the outdoor food court that is always a hub of social activity. In fact, this very chapter was born at Starbucks. The four shots of espresso I just consumed may explain its wordiness.

Despite the abundance of distractions here for the thousands of U.S. servicemembers stationed at Arifjan, it's important to remember that this is a country affected by war and terrorism. Just last week the Kuwaiti government arrested six members of an al-Qaida-linked terrorist cell that was planning to attack Camp Arifjan with an explosive- and chemical-laden truck bomb.

This is the week of Ramadan, the holiest of Muslim holidays, and seemingly always an excuse for Muslim extremists on the fringes to attack U.S. interests wherever they can. Despite the success of the Kuwaitis in thwarting what could have been a disastrous attack, many of us here - especially those of us who travel several hours along Kuwaiti highways to beyond the Iraqi border and back - are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It doesn't take much to remind us, not yet halfway through our tour, that despite the U.S draw-down in Iraq and all the comforts here in Kuwait, we are still very much at war.