I have a problem. Actually, I have several, but this is something that I face every day. What troubles me is that no matter how much I plan, prioritize and try to stay focused, I can't get everything done. It seems that there is more that I really want to do than time to do it.
Because of my marginal self-esteem, I usually blame myself, thinking that I must not be trying hard enough. But I am beginning to suspect that it is not me but our way of life that is the problem.
We live in a world that offers too much: Too many shows, too many products, too many things to do. There are so many things to gain or accomplish or just fill time with. Opportunities for activity and progress are greater than the time to take advantage of them. Because we live with the cultural myth that more is better we find ourselves in an endless pursuit of some other thing to gain or do instead of relaxing and enjoying our experience in the moment.
If you want to do something really outside the box, stop and do nothing. Take time to sit and think reflectively. Think in a relaxed way. Think for thinking's sake. Once upon a time people did a lot of this. It was called reverie. When people had much less to do (no TV, no radio, no shopping, no way to quickly get someplace to mindlessly fill the time) they would actually sit and think, letting thoughts come and go, even though there was nothing to gain from such reflection.
Reverie allows us to approach our experience in an open, unfocused way, which has the advantage of letting a kind of creativity come into play that more goal-focused, purposeful thinking does not. And, perhaps most important of all, it gives us the sense that life is about more than doing and accomplishing, that there is something inherently valuable and enjoyable in just being alive.
Reverie is not to be confused with its evil twin, rumination. Rumination is a psychological term for the experience of endlessly focusing on loss, worry, and pain. Reverie is more about reflecting on your life while holding these thoughts very loosely. Unlike rumination, reverie is a relaxed, enjoyable experience.
At first reverie might feel boring. Your brain might think it needs to try harder, to do something more. But in a world in which we are often seduced to be a human doing rather than a human being, there may be something worse than boredom. You may think that moments of "doing nothing" are surprisingly rich and full, just like life can be.
• Grant Clowers is a psychotherapist with Sierra Psychiatric Wellness Associates in Carson City.