After deep and ponderous thinking, we have come to the conclusion that if we want to combat terrorists in this country, we should take them out of Homeland Security and put them under the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, who will then issue hunting tags to anyone who wants a go at them.
That way, anyone can hunt free-range Taliban and al-Qaida during the yearlong hunting season.
Just ask us ... we think of everything.
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Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin, Lindsay Lohan ... who cares? Ever notice how "news" is manufactured when there's nothing else to report?
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And for those people who are "horrified" at the pace BP is processing the oil spill claims; just look at the claims that Medicare, Hurricane Katrina and Toyota still are wading through ... separating the real ones vs. the con artists that try and get in on the money band wagon. Those agencies, and the legitimate claimants, have our sympathy.
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Happy Birthday to Scotty Ruff (a 75-gun salute for him) and Rex Baggett (not quite there yet), and a Happy Anniversary to Christi and Rudy Schmid on their 18th.
Our best to all.
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The Mile High Jazz Band will present "Big Band Jazz Under the Stars" 7-9:30 p.m. Aug. 10 at the Comma Coffee Courtyard, 312 S. Carson St. (883-4154 or 883-2662).
Suggested donation is $5, and, if you pay $5 more and come an hour early, you can learn to dance.
It is part of the Jazz!Carson City music festival. Twenty different bands and artists will be part of the festival Aug. 8-22.
All of it is free (except for a jazz brunch 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Aug. 15 at B'Sghetti's Plan b.").
For complete information and reservations, call 775-461-0520. Tickets for brunch are $22.50 in advance or $25 at the door.
This is a great event for seniors, children and the general public who love music and jazz. Plan on it!
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Tonight is the final performance of "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum," at the Brewery Arts Center under the stars on the west side of the Performance Hall. It starts at 7:30 p.m. ... prepare to laugh.
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"Applause for Paws," the Shakespeare Animal Fund fundraiser will take place 6-9 p.m. Aug. 13 at Circus Circus Hotel & Casino in Reno.
Tickets are $35 in advance, and $40 at the door. Call 775-342-7040 for details.
The SAF cares for hundreds of suffering animals and their emergency vet bills. They also try to place animals whose owners have passed on ... it's a great organization.
Arf, meow and thanks.
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And "pray" for the person who couldn't figure out who'd called her on her answering machine, only to discover she'd left the message herself.
The voice DID seem familiar ...
• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. They can be reached by e-mail at editor@nevadaappeal.com.