Faith & Insight: Teens carry their own independence

With the start of the school year, I look toward the future; it makes me think of the trials and tribulations that our teens will go through during their battle to become independent.

How many of your teens would say you sometimes treat them like babies? Part of the challenge in parenting teens is to balance their need to become independent while simultaneously continuing to provide reasonable protection and guidance.

The transition that I am referring to can cause a lot of conflict within the family structure. Of course all parents and teens have conflicts. Learning how to manage them effectively is the key, so that these conflicts don't escalate into full-fledged rebellions.

The teen-age years are stressful for parents precisely because they are so stressful on teens. Problematic teen behavior is rooted in the struggles that all teens go through as part of the normal developmental process. As often as parents believe that this behavior is totally personal, it is not a personal attack against parents.

Rapid mood swings are often seen, which can lead to unpredictable and challenging behavior at home. Many teens are exploring their identity, which their personality, peers and appearance.

The teen years are also a time when both males and females become defensive due to strong feelings of self-consciousness.

This is due to them beginning to be concerned with others' thoughts about who they are becoming. Thus, teenagers are constantly analyzing and critiquing themselves, family members and everyone else due to developing the capacity for critical analysis.

These changes cause stress for teens, no matter their culture, environment or generation.

But there are additional stresses in today's environment that weren't around when I was growing up. Take a minute and think back to when you were a teenager. Many of those stresses are still present today, but today teenagers have many more serious stresses that weren't around years ago. So be aware of just how difficult it is to be young today.

Your teen still needs your support and involvement. Without your support, involvement and unconditional love, their battle for independence can be overwhelming to the point that they give up their true selves and lose the fight, becoming what society tells them they should be.

• Doug Stewart is director of Youth and Family Ministry, St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Community.