New Year’s Resolutions

Now that Christmas is over, I hope you had a Merry Christmas, or a happy Hanukkah.

For you atheists and others, I hope Wednesday was an OK day.

We now move to New Year’s celebrations. I was asked by a friend to write something less serious to end the year. That is a challenge, but here goes. New Year resolutions are always good for a laugh. First, though, a reminder. With the new year you get to start working for the federal government again until about April 16 when you start working for the state for a few days. Happy New Year.

I resolve to be more tolerant of liberals who preach tolerance, as long as it is tolerance of their views. I will not engage in discussions with liberals who, when confronted with facts that refute their premise, choose to shout me out or resort to name calling. I am offended when I am called “racist” or “sexist” when I choose facts over feel-good views. Oh no, I’m a “liberalist.” There will be a lottery on how long I can keep this resolution.

I resolve not to throw things at the television when President Obama starts to lecture me, otherwise known as presidential speeches. I do not accept that he or the government knows what is best for me. Likewise, I will react in the same manner when paid Presidential Liar (aka Press Secretary) Jay Carney tries to feed me his drivel. Besides, I have a new TV.

I resolve not to gloat over the resounding success of the Obamacare rollout. In fact, I intend to remind anyone who will listen of that success. After all, the website is only the precursor of things yet to come. Do you really believe an agency that developed the “Pajamaboy” ad has all its faculties? “Hi, Mom. Guess what? I have a new gig. I am Pajamaboy.” What mother wouldn’t be proud? Now where did I put those “jammies”? You’ve got to admit, though, that Barack O’Breezy is pretty amusing.

I resolve to watch NBC and MSNBC at least once in the year. I don’t want to watch more than that because it might give them a significant ratings boost.

I resolve to re-read Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals as a reminder of how to really screw things up.

I resolve to continue to watch Duck Dynasty. Anyone who will skip a Barbara Walters’ interview to go duck hunting goes to the top of my list. I also applaud the Robertson’s for standing their ground on show content. Could that be why they are the number one reality show of all time? It seems ironic that A&E suspended Phil Robertson for speaking his mind on homosexuality when you see some of the offensiveness found in some of A&E’s other shows.

I resolve to do everything I can to stop liberal re-writing of history, shredding of the U.S. Constitution. They now seem to be trying to re-write the Bible.

I resolve to do everything I can to affect the outcome of the 2014 elections. This is not only in this state but elsewhere. I am working on some ideas with the help of some others.

One thing I do know will have an effect; Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare. Keep that in mind when you talk to others.

I resolve to keep an open mind when listening to the ideas of others. I promise not to laugh when a supposedly intellectual elite liberal starts talking about the success of Keynesian economics. The USSR is a fine example. If I really want them to blow a gasket, I will just ask what impact Montesquieu had on the founding of this country. Sorry, you will have to look it up. I don’t want to give it away.

I resolve to eat less and exercise more. This is an old standby, and incidentally, the most broken resolution ever. I only threw it in to add some content to add to column length. Come to think of it, I am changing the resolution. I resolve to eat more and exercise less. I think I can keep that one.

That’s it. I will bet I can keep all of these resolutions until at least Thursday. Some might last longer.

One last word. I am looking toward 2014 for hope and change. I hope there is some change. Maybe Phil Robertson should run for Congress. He’s got my support. Here’s wishing you all a happy and prosperous New Year.

Tom Riggins is a Churchill County columnist.