Because I can string words together in an amusing manner and attend a lot of meetings where the words “synergy” and “amortize” are thrown about liberally,
I have occasionally been mistaken for a smart guy. Anyone who has ever watched me walking barefoot on my blacktop driveway on a hot, sunny day to check my mail (which happens at least twice a week) can assure you that I am not.
I’ve often wrongly assumed that a person was smart because of their position in life or just because they seemed to be smart. I have met two presidents, a couple of governors, several members of congress, two cabinet members and even had lunch with a county commissioner once and they all came across as pretty sharp guys.
When I was younger, I assumed that these folks had reached positions of power and prestige because they were smart; but then again when I was younger I assumed that I would be an astronaut who dated Pam Anderson between shuttle flights. I was just as wrong on both accounts.
I’ve since concluded that political success has more to do with hot air and hair gel that it does brain cells which, coupled with the release of the Pam Anderson-Tommy Lee Jones sex tapes, left me so disillusioned that I never did apply to the space program.
So how do you determine which people are really smart and which ones just look smart? Some people put a lot of stock in the IQ test to gauge how smart we really are. Out of curiosity I did some quick research to see for myself how well IQ scores translate into usable brains.
According to my research 99.5 percent of all IQs fall somewhere between 60 and 140, I think the other .5 percent consist of Bob Saget fans on the low end and women I’ve either married or fathered on the high end (yup, I was playing it safe on that one). An IQ of between 90 and 109 is considered “normal intelligence”; these are people who can reasonably be expected to support themselves, pay their bills and can find their way home on a regular basis.
People who score lower than 90 on their IQ tests are labeled everything from “dull” to “profoundly retarded” by the pompous IQ testers. I figure that I must fall somewhere in these categories because I have often been called “profoundly dull”.
Personally, I think that a high IQ does nothing more than indicate how well a person takes that particular test. There are a lot of different kinds of smart and I don’t think that a single exam can test for them all. Hell, some of the dumbest people I’ve ever known were smart guys. I’ve known guys with Ph.Ds who can’t change a flat tire and are devoted American Idol fans; I think that proves my point.
If not, consider this. We have had two presidents named George Bush. One of them was the youngest fighter pilot in the US Navy during WWII, graduated from Yale, started his own oil company, became a millionaire by age 40, served in Congress, was ambassador to the United Nations, the U.S. envoy to China, director of the CIA, vice president, president and recently went skydiving to celebrate his 85th birthday; his IQ is reported to be 99.
The other one dropped out of the National Guard and cannot properly pronounce the word “nuclear”; his IQ is reported to be 125. Need more proof?
Physicist Stephen Hawking is considered by many to be the smartest guy around these days and his IQ (160) is considerably lower than actor James Woods (180) and a New York bar bouncer named James Langan (195). Not convinced?
Bill Clinton (137) graduated from Georgetown and Yale Law and was a Rhodes Scholar, was a professor, a governor and a two-term president. All of that and the list of people with higher IQs include Sharon Stone (154), Madonna (140), Quinton Tarantino (160), Geena Davis (140), Bill Gates (160) and Hillary Clinton (140). Bill Clinton isn’t even the smartest person in his own house!
So if the IQ is just another number, how do you identify the smart guys? I don’t know if it’s true for everyone, but for Bill Clinton and me, the indicator is clear; look for the guys who married women smarter than them.
Rick Seley is an LVN humor columnist who is currently away. This is a favorite column of his from the LVN files. His regular column will resume shortly.