The Popcorn Stand: Too bad, but my dogs don’t chew shoes

I don’t know if civilization is going to end or not. Every time my faith in mankind is restored by something like Sumo wrestling battle bots, I hear about romphims, muddy jeans and now this: pulverized shoes.

It’s not enough we’re being asked to pay $80 (the discounted price I might add) for Kim Jong-un romphims or hundreds of dollars for jeans that looked like you’ve rolled in the mud, we’ve now made it into the four-figure level when it comes to paying for some ridiculous fashion item.

Neiman Marcus is asking $1,425 for a pair of “destroyed” designer tennis shoes. The tennis shoes look like they’ve been chewed up and ruined by your dog. Or another description the white sneakers appear to have been slashed with a knife so their bright yellow stuffing is visible.

Now I’m out of luck since Pete the Shih Tzu and Tuf-Tuf (you know, Sir Tuffington something or other) the Jack Russell don’t like to chew on shoes. Now they love to chew on napkins so if there’s ever a market for chewed up napkins, I could get rich.

Although I’m gone through my share of sneakers in my lifetime and the next time I buy a pair of sneakers and wear them out, I’ll make sure not to throw them away.

The destroyed sneakers were apparently designed by some avante-garde fashion designer dude, so who knew all my life when it came to sneakers, I’ve been an avante-garde fashion designer.

So what’s next? White tank top T-shirts with a hole in them for $2,500? Or maybe socks that look worn out that slump down to your ankles for $3,000? The possibilities are endless.

I’ll stick to Sumo wrestling battle bots.

— Charles Whisnand