Ken Beaton: Happy Father's Day

Besides visiting the Carson Farmer’s Market to purchase your favorite fruits and vegetables, what are you going to do today? Do you have everything planned and accomplished for tomorrow, Father’s Day? In case your mind was distracted, I have several suggestions.

If your parents live within commuting distance, invite them to your place for a barbecue with dad’s favorite foods. You could purchase a Father’s Day card or send him a Jacquie Lawson e-card. Be creative and surprise him!

First, you and I can’t predict the future. We don’t know when our dad’s last Father’s Day with our dad will be. In the spring of 1998 dad’s cardiologist informed him that two of his heart valves needed to be replaced or his heart would stop in six months. Dad decided to “roll the dice” and have the operation. The operation was a success, but his recovery was one step forward and two steps backward. Sixteen days after the operation, he had a stroke in the morning and passed away about 12 hours later.

Fourteen months later I had spent five weeks working in the summer heat in an empty engine compartment removing 35 years of grease and dirt. I painted everything in the engine compartment including every bolt, nut, and washer factory black. This was my “arrest me red” 64 Olds Cutlass convertible four-speed stick and a Posi traction rear end, a weapon.

My friend, Ed, had the experience and equipment to help me install a rebuilt 455 cubic inch Olds engine that was over bored to a 462 painted factory gold. On the third attempt, the big block lit up. We ran the engine at 2,500 rpms for 30 minutes to “break it in.” I shut off the engine and closed the garage door.

The next morning after all my blood sweat and tears, I was so excited! I picked up the phone and dialed dad’s number to share my great news! After the first ring, I hung up. In my excitement, I had completely forgotten about his passing 14 months earlier.

Either write or type all your questions on paper, otherwise you’ll forget one or more key questions. Make arrangements to audio or video record your dad’s answers. This is quality time with your dad. His answers will be your gift to future generations.

Second, decide to spend more time with your dad. In May 2018 I was visiting my oldest daughter, Kathy, her husband, Matt, grandchildren and great-grandchildren in Massachusetts. After greeting me when I arrived at their home, Kathy said, “Don’t make any plans for Sunday, May 2, 2018. You’re getting your Father’s Day gift early. I have two rightfield box seat tickets to the Sox vs. the Seattle Mariners at Fenway Park!”

We left on Sunday at 11 a.m. Kathy drove us to the Wonderland Station in Revere and parked her car. We rode the “T” to Kenmore Square and walked to Fenway Park.

We arrived home at 7 p.m. After spending eight hours sharing the complete ballpark experience, a couple of beers, a hot dog, singing “Sweet Caroline” during the seventh inning stretch, and cheering for the Sox! (The Sox lost.) Eight hours with my first-born, PRICELESS!

Third, you could give the gift of you. Instead of buying a card for Father’s Day, sit down with a pen and a pad of paper or your laptop to write a positive letter to your dad. This is where you express positive loving thoughts to your dad that you’ve never expressed, your inner soft side. While reading your love letter to him, he may have to reach for a tissue to wipe the extra liquid in one or both eyes.

Here's a suggestion to get you started, “Dear Dad, this Father’s Day I want to give you a gift you’ve never received from me until now.”

Think back to when you were a kid. You had a two-wheel bike with training wheels. You decided, “I want to be a big kid and ride my bike without the training wheels.” Your dad smiled as he took a crescent wrench from his toolbox. In no time the training wheels were off your bike.

Your dad was on the left side of your bike. He was even with the rear wheel as he steadied your bike while you got on the seat with your feet on each pedal. He told you, “OK, start to pedal.” As you pedaled, dad was walking with a firm grip on your bike. As you picked up speed, your dad began to jog beside you.

As mentally painful as it was for your dad, he let go of your bike without you knowing. (The most anxious moment for a parent is letting go.) You were in “free flight,” but you thought dad was still steadying your bike. It was the same feeling you experienced being in your mother’s womb before your birth, no worries or responsibilities.

After one or two wobbly episodes, you realized dad wasn’t holding your bike. You were similar to a bird flying for the first time. At the end of the street, you made your first gradual turn to see your parents cheering for you as you returned.

Fourth, when you let go of something negative that happened in the past, you have freed yourself from hanging on to all that negative energy. Negative energy is destructive. When you point your index finger at another person, you have three fingers pointing at you, a three to one ratio of blame! When you forgive another person, you’ll free yourself. Become the bigger person, make the decision to forgive.

On Friday, April 22, 2022, I received a phone call from my daughter, Kathy, “Justin (her oldest) was alone at his dad’s house today and fell down a flight of stairs. He had been dead for several hours before his dad discovered him.” Immediately, my mind had several thoughts at the same time. “Did my grandson die instantly? Did he suffer? What happened to him? What else do you know?” Father’s Day of 2022 was a new low for me. My mind continued to pull me back to his life being cut short at 33 years. He’ll never see his son and daughter graduate from high school, marry, have children and all those experiences a parent enjoys experiencing.

Justin’s celebration of life was 11 a.m. on Saturday, June 11, 2022, at the Ipswich Ale Brewery in Ipswich. I flew to Massachusetts to attend. My ex-wife, Alice, called me and suggested I pick her up to enter his celebration of life together, to present a united front to Justin’s dad. We share the same opinion of our ex-son-in-law and his negative behavior toward our daughter. I picked up my “date” for Justin’s event. We’ve let go of our negative energy from the past and are friends. In fact, every time I return to Massachusetts, I invite Alice to brunch and pick up the tab.

The Ipswich Ale Brewery’s staff did a precise job of continuously supplying everyone with trays of appetizers and replacing empty 16 oz. glasses with their popular brews! I had conversations with Alice’s relatives that I hadn’t seen in 50 years! It was a great celebration of his life.

In two months, if all goes well, I’ll return to Massachusetts on Aug. 13 to visit with my daughter, Matt her husband, Alice and “rust” friends from high school. I treasure each time I see them because I never know when will be the time last time I’ll see one of them or they’ll see me. Treasure every Father’s Day! (I hope to see the Sox vs. “The Evil Empire” at Fenway with Kathy on the 13th. Beside Bostonians talking “funny,” their two favorite teams are the Sox and whoever is the Yankees’ opponent!)

Happy Father’s Day to every father, grandfather, great-grand father and great-great grandfathers that are vertical!