Joshua and Stacy Nehring, center, arrive at the Nevada Capitol on Dec. 11, 2024 with their children Izzy, Talmage, Benson, Nelson and Grace. They are completing the Black Pearl Project, Joshua’s run in remembrance of the Nehrings’ 13-year-old daughter Lilli, who died seven years ago.
South Dakota resident Joshua Nehring, runner, co-founder and chief executive officer of nonprofit SRVIVRS, has had time to think along Nevada’s “Loneliest Highway” this past week. But the Silver State’s erratic terrain along U.S. 50 offers peace and reflection on his journey to healing after losing his daughter.
“It’s hard,” Joshua said. “It’s something I feel like, some days I’m a little off, and that’s OK. Death is hard when you have something like that, and you don’t get to choose that per se.”
Joshua, a periodontist and partner at Dakota Regional Periodontics in Rapid City, and his wife Stacy arrived Wednesday as part of a caravan with the Black Pearl Project. Their mission is to honor their teen daughter, Lilli, who died seven years ago at age 13 in a car accident in Wyoming.
Now, Joshua is running 17,000 miles in the 48 contiguous states – capital to capital – to raise awareness about grief. His effort is to support community members who are experiencing loss or to provide comfort and guidance in their own journey. He has used his degree in marriage and family human development and personal experiences to help others.
The Black Pearl Project Tour is a means of helping the Nehrings in their healing. Oysters experience a self-preserving process when an irritant inside takes shape, forming a pearl. For the Nehrings, the project has transformed into layers of service around an “irritant” causing grief to form a black pearl as they think on Lilli.
“Lilli was an old soul,” Stacy said of her daughter. “She was just always looking for ways to be loving and kind to others. It didn’t matter if they were 80 or 2 years old. She connected and loved everyone and she was so kind. We’ve been trying to carry on her kindness and legacy.”
Joshua is dedicating a year through a regimen in which he has attempted to run up to 60 miles and 12 hours a day. His runs are pending weather patterns or personal health conditions. He’s battled heat and humidity in the Midwest and changed schedules to run in the middle of the night. Stacy and his crew chief Noah Buchholz help ensure his safety, hydration and navigation. Every day is unique, as is every state’s conditions.
Stacy said they monitored Joshua in Indiana to make sure he didn’t pass out or watched for tornado warnings.
But wherever he is, the runs bring emotional progress with each step.
“You look for the sunrises and the sunsets and the beauty in barren lands,” Joshua said. “It’s such a privilege to be doing this.”
When he arrives at a capital, he and Stacy meet community members. Hearing residents’ experiences with grief or loss has been touching, Stacy said.
At Nevada’s Capitol on Wednesday when he arrived early, he enjoyed the Christmas lights and decorations along the fence, signage and trees. He called it a “Christmas gift” with his birthday on Dec. 1.
“Landscapes and people and every state have had highlights,” he said. “The biggest highlight is meeting people in what we call divine choreography that is so beyond what we planned to coordinate.”
In Ely, the couple met Aaron and Kayleigh Kesler, parents of nine who have lost two sons. Their son Jacob, 20, was serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in June when he was involved in a fatal car accident outside of Beulah, North Dakota. Joshua said he cherished meeting with the Keslers to share in their loss.
At 411 Saliman Road in Carson on Thursday, the Nehrings shared in Tiffany Hebb’s story of the loss of her oldest son Ollie, who was 2 when he drowned. Hebb authored “Holistic Grieving: Self-Care Tools and Healing Practices to Support Your Journey Through Loss,” and joined the Nehrings to honor Ollie.
“I think it’s great because a lot of people just don’t talk about grief and I think in our society it’s almost taboo to talk about it,” she said.
Stacy said the run isn’t just about them and their heartache but to inspire service and kindness. They’re creating scholarships for young girls who can’t afford to dance, encouraging middle school students to engage in acts of kindness and seeking out donations to nonprofits. They’ve helped soup kitchens in different cities and put together stockings for the holidays.
“The light that goes on in your eyes, that ‘Yes, I want to serve in memory of my loved one,’ is amazing,” Stacy said. “You’re at the lowest of lows, in memory of my loved ones and have them of my lows is amazing.”
Joshua said also enjoyed Carson’s historical and nostalgic aspects and the ability to meet families he never would have without the Black Pearl Project.
“I’ve learned that it’s the most mountainous state in the lower 48 and I have absolutely loved the grand vistas where you can see for several miles in any direction,” he said. “I’ve had such spectacular weather running across the state this last week and a half. … I just love it, the up and down, the beautiful. It’s quiet.”
For information, go to srvivrs.org.