Trina Machacek: Rolling along

Sometimes something will come up or is said and I go, to myself, “Well I do that.” Then because I have heard it is wrong the way I do it, it bugs me until I either change my ways, grin and bear it or just poo-poo the idea as some silly notion.

For instance. I mean, just because I put a few extra rolls of toilet paper on the back of the toilet, why should that matter? Yes, recently I heard some talking head on a TV show, say that it was just awful to go into someone bathroom and see extra rolls of toilet paper sitting on the back of the toilet.

Oh, my stars. What else am I doing that is considered a foo-pah? So, I decided to check with a few people around me, as to the storage of their toilet paper. I must tell you that this opened a few interesting doors — under cabinets that sometimes are j-u-s-t out of reach when the need arises. Sometime ago I saw a storage totem pole.

It was a cute idea. The rolls were stacked on a pole with totem feet at the bottom and a totem head at the top that you unscrewed to get the next needed roll off.

If you think about it, I imagine, that even though you really didn’t pay much attention to this bathroom detail, you have been somewhere at some time and in need of that roll of helpful tissue. Only to find, that there was none to find. And then the hunt is on.

I am a practical gal. We all use this invention of toilet paper. We all need the stuff. What is so objectional about seeing it, waiting to be used? Stacked like white fluffy marshmallows? Well now, there is a sticky visual, right?

When did it become necessary to hide our toilet paper from guests? Usually, but not always, toilets are magically set right next to sinks, with under sink cabinets.

When you are “in need” of more of the “white cleaner,” usually you just have to flip open that cabinet and if you are lucky, all the stars align and your hostess has pre-planned for this emergency, ta-da, you will be rewarded with the object of your desire.

Then there are the house holds that never, I say NEVER have extra toilet paper. Or they have it hidden away in a hall closet or out on some extra shelving in the garage. Come on people. What do you think the back of the toilet is for?! To hold extra rolls for you to use doing what you are sitting there for.

I had a woman that I worked with once that had this to say about toilet paper. She told me her family was the laziest family she knew of. She went on to tell me that between her teenaged kids and her husband, that not one of them could take the time to replace the toilet paper.

They would run out while using the facilities, grab a new roll, use it and then just stand it on the floor or lean it against the empty roll sitting on the roller thingy. I have to laugh every time I change the roll in my bathroom.

I usually think, “Well at least I am not THAT lazy.” We live in the country and have our own septic system. That entails learning that every month – or so — you need to “feed” the septic tank.

You do that by putting some enzyme stuff that eats – well the stuff in the tank. Keeps things liquid and moving happily along. One big thing I learned when becoming a country bumpkin is that septic systems do not like the soft as a cloud, nice to your bum toilet paper. Nope.

Septic tankers use the single ply, 1,000 sheets to a roll paper that is truly just one step up from 1500 grit sandpaper. Honestly when I go to visit a friend that lives in town, it is like going on a holiday to find and get to use a toilet paper that has words like “angel” or “soft as a feather,” or “squeezably delightful” in the description.

Yes, we all have those little niches that we covet as we move through life. Mine just happens to be finding myself sitting next to a soft roll of toilet paper. With extra rolls on the back of the toilet. You know just in case. Roll along my friends, roll along.

Trina Machacek lives in Diamond Valley north of Eureka. Email itybytrina@yahoo.com.