Trina Machacek: Nuances of auctions

Let the auction begin! The auction block is set, the auctioneer is wired up with a microphone, the spotters are ready to identify the buyers as they flip a finger, tip a hat, or boldly raise an entire arm to bid.

Those all-important buyers clutch a numbered piece of paper, at the ready to give up that number when the item is SOLD! Like a little league baseball game when the outfielders chant, “Hey batter-batter. Hey batter-batter.”

The call goes out from the quick voiced auctioneer and “Whatdayawanna give, I say whatdayawanna spend for this … .” And the action begins.

A wink or a nod and poof you own a four-foot by eight-foot cement safe with a steel door. Oh boy. No wait that isn’t what you were bidding on? Sorry, you now own a big, heavy really ugly, laying on its back in the dirt, old safe, without a key.

Oh, don’t worry, you have all the time in the world to move all 2,278 pounds of cement – with a steel door. As long as it is moved in five days. By the time you realize you thought you were bidding on a pile of tires the next guy has bought that line of mixed used, but in good condition, tires.

There was a surplus auction here a few days ago and it was a hoot to go and watch. The surplus was offered by our county from several departments, most of which were big heavy equipment and vehicles that needed to be replaced due to mileage and other guidelines.

Yes, there really was a cement safe. And other safes of varying age. Even an antique fire truck. Oh, it was a mass menagerie. When an auction is portrayed on a television program it is usually some stuffy art thing.

Where the gallery is seated by the amount of money in the wallets of the buyers. In all the auctions I have been too, these surplus auctions are the most fun. Not a stuffed shirt in the crowd, just guys and gals looking for a bargain.

Trust me, they all know the value of each thing they have their eye on! The semi-pro auctioneer has a day job, and this auction stuff is a side hustle he has grown from grass roots into a nice cha-ching for him due to something known as the buyer’s premium.

Or in other words the 10 to 25 percent added to the sale price that usually goes to the auctioneer. Or the house that holds the auction. Yes, just think of that next time you are flipping through your television channels and run across a Barret-Jackson car auction.

Where the cars go for thousands if not hundreds of thousands of bucks. The premiums are enough to choke all the horses under the hoods of those really nice shiny pretty cars.

Then there are the silent auctions. SHHH.

The silent auctions forgo the “Hey bidder-bidder” guy. These are usually done for fundraisers and are where the items are placed out on display for buyers to view for a day or evening event.

During hors d’oeuvres and maybe drinks, bidders are to put their name or auction number and their bid on a clipboard carefully and strategically set next to the items.

Then when a bidder writes down a bid they sometimes hover around the item, least some other soul dares to place a bid for more money to top the bid the hover-er placed on THEIR item. If you watch from afar, it really is quite a fun show in itself to watch. Hey, we all get our entertainment as we can.

Then there are mini auctions at flea markets and yard sales. A used baby diaper changing station is put out for sale on a table. Priced at the huge amount of $5. Someone looks at it, picks it up and puts it back and moves on.

But over their shoulder the wheels of “Dicker-Ville” begin to spin. And the negotiation, or auction, begins. In these circumstances BOTH the seller and the buyer become auctioneers. Five dollars? $4.75? naw, $3.85, and it goes until $2.50 is met and agreed upon by both sides. SOLD! The hammer comes down and both the sale and baby are clean as a whistle.

Our ever-loved Google says, “The first recorded auctions took place around 500 B.C., and the word "auction" comes from the Latin word augeō, which means "I increase" or "I augment." I have “augeo-ed” more than enough for one woman over the years of buying, coveting and then finally selling “some” of my treasures.

But there is always a farm auction, the king of auctions, coming up — somewhere —sometime.

Trina Machacek lives in Diamond Valley north of Eureka. Email itybytrina@yahoo.com.