United we stand, married we fall

I have come to believe that there is a full-scale war being fought. It exists just under the surface, much like syphilis, covertly making itself known.

But this war cannot be won with antibiotics and avoiding questionable partners. This war will continue. It is a war between married people and their remaining single friends.

It is a war that neither side wants, but for the most part is being won by the marrieds.

Now I admit that a lot of the blame is being placed on women, seen as taking control once the ring is on and never allowing their husbands to see their long-lost friends again. For further explanation, watch "Saving Silverman."

While I don't think it is to that extreme, there is no doubt that the war rages on and sooner or later, a part of becoming a full-fledged-diet-soda-drinkin-salmon-shirt-wearin-heartburn-gettin-prayin'-over-a-pregnancy-test adult is choosing a side.

This realization came to me at a recent social event.

Behind me sat two women, one married for 10 years and one married for five years, and their husbands.

The men were content to amicably discuss a new truck purchase and how much was wagered on this weekend's games. When they talked, it was in "I" statements.

"I can't believe you bought a new truck. I can't believe he caught that throw. I can't believe your wife doesn't do that."

You know, normal stuff.

Yet the contrast came when the women talked. They used "we" statements.

"WE are so proud of the new house. WE are so looking forward to a vacation. WE finally got our period last week."

That's right, less than a foot from their husbands, these women were emasculating them.

Like weedwacker to the "man luggage." Like daddy had too much tequila.

Like a police dog who smells a Slim Jim in your back pocket.

Therein lies the problem.

Get married, gain another voice in your head and odds are that voice doesn't like your friends.

So the reason this war continues is simple. The marrieds can offer each other something their respective single friends can't " and won't.

Leave it to sex to ruin more perfectly good relationships.

Think I'm wrong? Tell me about it.

- Jarid Shipley is a reporter for the Nevada Appeal. Contact him at jshipley@nevadaappeal.com or 881-1217.