Today is the last day to file your TAXES

It's TAX DAY today. If you've put off doing your taxes, now's the time to pick up the slack. You had two days of "grace," Sunday and today (some Washington, D.C., holiday that the feds celebrate and we don't), so get to work and send the bugger in. And we hope you get a big, fat refund for your efforts.

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Carolyn heard the following: "George W. Bush was visiting a nursing home, and, as he was walking down the hall, a little old man was coming toward him. They stopped to speak, when the president asked him, 'Don't you know who I am?' 'No,' said the little old man, 'but if you ask a nurse, I'm sure she'll tell you.'"

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We see the mayor is riding his bike around town. However, we have a suggestion: When the wind blows or it's raining, take the bus. JAC is just waiting for you.

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Chris Cuomo on Good Morning America the other day said that you should be careful what you send on e-mail, since it usually cannot be destroyed or erased. Apparently, he has not been in touch with the White House or Attorney General Gonzales.

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We heard where Don Imus was being "driven off the air." Seems to us he drove himself.

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Keith Richards, of the Rolling Stones, said he snorted cocaine with the ashes of a relative mixed in (he later said it was a "joke" ... yeah, right). So it brings us to this totally tacky story we got from a friend (purported to be true, but isn't according to truthorfiction.com). "When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves touched nothing but a box with a grayish-white powder in it. The Fort Lauderdale police said some crook had thought he'd hit the big time. But later, Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded, 'Please bring back the ashes of my sister, Gertrude. She passed away three years ago.' The next morning, the bullet-ridden corpse of local drug dealer Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep with the remainder of Gertrude's ashes and the following note: 'Hoochie sold us bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No bad feelings. Have a nice day.'"

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The Army is extending tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan from 12 to 15 months. Thank goodness we don't have that option with the president.

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Rory Hogen, with Carson City, let us know that El Pollo Loco is still on track, but is going through the permit process as we speak. That's good news, since the Care Bear likes their chicken.

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Lot of stuff going on this week ... birthdays are being celebrated by Kylie Schmid, Kress Whalen and Ward Jesse (out of respect, we won't say how oooooold two of them are); WNCC's Western Wildcats will have their last two home games Friday and Saturday. Both days are double-headers, so go out and support the team (445-3240 for info); Preliminary auditions will be held for Wildhorse Children's Theater's "Museum Idol" competition on Saturday at 3 p.m. ... for details, ages, etc., call 887-0438, and you can be a "star"; and the Western Nevada Astronomical Society is having its monthly meeting tonight at 7 p.m. at the Jack C. Davis Observatory. Everyone with an interest in astronomy is welcome.

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Fair's fair ... Al Nicholson sent us the following: "A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being a wise guy, the man sent the police a picture of $40. The police responded with a photo of handcuffs." Wonder if he paid?

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If you watched "Wheel of Fortune" last week, you would have seen two local women win big (even though each came in second) ... Wendy Davis of Gardnerville and Danielle O'Malley of Reno. Congrats.

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Now it's time for the Pet Peeve corner. If you WALK your bike across a street, you are a pedestrian and cars should stop for you. If you RIDE it across the street, you are a vehicle, and cars DO NOT have to stop for you ... Cars 1 - Bikes 0. Now, if you are in a car and driving, "USE YOUR SIGNALS." "STOP AT STOP SIGNS." And, finally, if you smoke, don't throw your butts (or trash) out the window ... it's FIRE season. Aaaaargh.

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"Lend Me A Tenor," Proscenium Player's last play of the season, is a hysterical farce that will open this Friday at the Brewery Arts Center at 8 p.m. There is NO LATE SEATING. Opening night also features a champagne/sparkling cider party after the play, and is lots of fun. Call 883-1976 for tickets and information. Break a leg!

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JoAnn Gardner told us this story: "An arrogant Ministry of Highways employee stopped at a farm and spoke with an old farmer. 'I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.' 'OK,' said the old man, 'just don't go into that field.' The inspector said, 'I have a card from the provincial government saying I can go wherever I please,' and with that he went on his way. Pretty soon, the old farmer heard loud screams and saw the man running for the fence just ahead of the farmer's enraged prized bull. The bull was gaining as the man yelled, 'What should I do?' The farmer yelled back, 'Show him your card.'"

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Our sympathies go out to Ashley Stafford and her family on the untimely death of her father, Scott. Carson Dodge is setting up a college fund for Ash (she's a sophomore at UNR and is studying to be a doctor) and if you'd like to donate to help, please contact Steve Christian, the manager of Carson Dodge, at 883-2020. Many thanks.

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The Community Awards are coming up on June 26, so start thinking of people you'd like to nominate who have, or are, making a difference in Carson City and the surrounding area. The luncheon that day is lots of fun and honors a lot of good people. Have a great week.

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.