Carson police need help catching graffiti vandals

Graffiti is rearing its ugly head all over Carson City again, and YOU can help put the perpetrators in jail. If you see someone "decorating" our town, CALL 911, and get a license number if you can. The Sheriff's Office needs to know who the individuals are. They can usually figure out the gangs, but need to know who, individually, is doing it. Or, if you just see graffiti, call Sgt. Mark Marshall of the Graffiti Abatement Gang Unit at 887-2004, ext. 1610, and report where it is. THE POLICE NEED YOUR HELP!

These so-called "artists," who are really "asses," need an attitude adjustment. We still think they will only pay attention when they have to pay retribution (the damages done to the area are in the thousands upon thousands), and get THEIR stuff painted putrid pink (our solution to "paybacks"). Paint their cars, their clothes, their apartments, whatever. Then when they complain about how their property was damaged, maybe they'll know what it's like.

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And we'd like to add the tombstone wreckers to the above list. Talk about individuals with brains as big as their private parts (that's "cleaned up," in case you didn't figure it out), we'd chain them to a tree and let them spend the week in the cemetery for starters, then let the relatives of the deceased know where they are. We'll see if their prayers are heard then.

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Carolyn was sent this one: "A lady walked into a pharmacy and told them she needed some cyanide. 'Why?' asked the pharmacist. 'I'm going to poison my husband.' 'Lord have mercy, I can't sell you cyanide to kill your husband,' he said. 'It's against the law, I would lose my license, they would throw us both in jail and throw away the key. You can absolutely NOT have any cyanide.' With that, the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well, now ... you didn't tell me you had a prescription.'"

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Thirty-nine years ago in March, the horrible incident at Mai Lai in Vietnam occurred. When Lt. William Calley was court martialed, he insisted he was just following orders. Remarks were made at the time that he should have disobeyed and refused to kill civilians.

Now they are trying to court martial Lt. Ehren Watada for refusing to deploy to Iraq. Lt. Watada has said he will go to Afghanistan and fight, but not Iraq, because he believes it to be an "illegal" war (we agree). Double standard? Is it his Mai Lai? Or is he derelict for not following orders? Think about it.

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Top o' the morning to ya ... St. Paddy's Day is coming up soon, and the Carson City Senior Citizen's Center is putting on "The Irish Eyes Murders" at 5 p.m. at the Governor's Mansion, an evening of "mystery, mayhem and murder" with corned beef or Irish stew (no, those are NOT the murder weapons ... you eat while finding the real ones). A no-host bar, silent auction and fine desserts finish off the evening. It's $25 per person, and tickets can be purchased at the center, or by calling Barbara Tonge at 883-0703. Proceeds go to Meals-on-Wheels. This supplants the Senior Follies as a fundraiser this year.

Mallard's at Empire Ranch is also having a St. Patrick's Beer Tasting at 6 p.m. on that day. Micro-brews and a corned beef and cabbage dinner for $20 each, along with prizes for some attendees. Call 885-1019 for reservations. Seating is limited at both functions. Erin go braugh!

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Lucille Adams heard this one: "Oklahoma state trooper Allan Nixon found a car stuck in the snow with the engine still running and a very drunken man passed out in the driver's seat. He tapped on the window, awakening the man, who, seeing the rotating lights in his rear-view window, put the car in drive, and stepped on the gas. The wheels spun (in place) as the speedometer went up to 20-30-50 mph.

"Trooper Nixon decided to run in place beside the speeding, but very stationary, car. The driver totally freaked out for a full 30 seconds, thinking the trooper was keeping up, until Trooper Nixon yelled, 'Pull over,' and the man turned his wheel and 'stopped' the car. The man was arrested, and, to this day is probably wondering how an Oklahoma state trooper could run 50 mph and keep up with his car. Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?"

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More good stuff: St. Teresa's School is having its annual "Crab Claws For a Good Cause," for adults only, on Friday from 6-11 p.m. You can get dancing, a silent auction and CRAB for $40 apiece by calling Susan McElhany at 882-4553. Lots of fun, and not a crabby person in the place. The WNCC Wildcats will be playing at home on Friday and Saturday against the College of Southern Idaho. Go up and cheer on the team! Also, the Capital City Arts Initiative is always having great artistic events here in Carson City. Go to www.arts-initiative.org for exhibitions and events.

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We were so sorry to hear of the death of Roberta Rutledge's mother, Dorothy Viano, the other day. "Bert"; her dad, Jim; and all of the rest of her family will miss her so much. We are, however, very glad to hear that Mary McNary is happily reading our column every Tuesday (thanks to Laura for that info). Keep it up, m'dear.

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We both had a great time seeing and meeting some of the Democratic candidates last week. What a great opportunity. Now we look forward to seeing the Republicans, too. Both of us liked former Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack ... wouldn't you know that he would be first to pull out? Vice-president, maybe? And we both were disenchanted with John Edwards ... much too "canned." Sen. Clinton and the rest were delightful, but Tom Gravel of Alaska said it best: "The Democrats cannot take the next election for granted." Amen.

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Also from Lucille: "A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa.' 'What's he like?' asked the policeman. The little boy hesitated for a minute. 'Crown Royal and ladies with big boobies.'"

Have a great week!

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.