Humor and opinions to get your week started

Let's start the week by going to the dogs, and telling Jo Ann Gardner's joke about them: "Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle. The three males fall all over themselves, slobbering and hoping for a favorable glance from her. She notices this and decides that the first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in an imaginative and intelligent sentence, can have her affections. The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up and says, 'I love liver and cheese.' 'How childish,' says the poodle, 'that shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.' The tall, shiny golden retriever steps up and says, 'Um, I HATE liver and cheese.' 'My, my,' says the poodle, 'It's hopeless ... that's just as bad as the Lab's sentence.' She then turns to the last of the three, the tiny in stature, but big in fame and finesse Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a sly wink, turns to the golden retriever and the lab and says, 'Liver alone ... cheese mine.'"

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Soooo ... the governor asks for a complete belt tightening by the entire state, then goes off on a Defense Department junket to Iraq, telling us that the state didn't pay a cent for the trip so it doesn't fall under the state "diet" plan. With Nevada facing a shortfall, and the United States up to its ears in debt, where does he think the DOD gets the money to send him to Iraq? WE PAY IT ... in taxes. It's the old "do as I say, not as I do" philosophy. Bah Humbug!

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One of our readers went to have her oil changed at her local automobile dealership the other day, then went to have a pedicure. She thinks the oil changers would do a greater business if they offered pedicures onsite. Upkeep for the car ... and the soul (or sole), at the same time. An idea whose time has come.

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Hearty congratulations to Miss Janet (Thayer), who is retiring from St. Teresa's after 37 years of teaching. There is a reception for her at St. Teresa's Church on June 7 from 6-8 p.m. You're all welcome. And a happy birthday to Nancy Gourley, sister of the Big C. There are also graduations galore: Kurt Garrett from WNC; Anna Morgan from the WNC Fallon campus; Cathy Robinson and Linda Hobold from the University of Phoenix; Drew Heller from CHS; and T.J. Paterson from Dayton High. Congratulations to all.

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Another story from Jo Ann: "My age has been noticed. I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me without blinking and asked, 'Are you having it catered?' Good grief. That, I'm afraid, is the definition of 'old.'"

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ZBistro is holding their "Food for Thought" dinner tonight to benefit the program that helps feed children who might not otherwise have a good meal during the week. Thanks to Tina and Gilles Galhaut for their generosity.

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From Warren Coles: The following is the 2007 winning entry from an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was 'Political Correctness.' The winner wrote: "Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which hold forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." Tell it like it is, guys.

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Wild Horse Children's Theater is holding auditions for children, 7-13, for "The Emperor's New Clothes," on June 5 and 7, at the Children's Museum. Call 887-0438 for times and details. Guest director is the great Jon Josten (we are fans). PAX (Program of Academic Exchange) is looking for families in the Carson, Douglas, Reno areas to host foreign exchange students for a 10-month period during the 2008-09 year. This is a great program to foster understanding between countries and people. For details and requirements, please call Melodie Masterson at 841-7423. You, and your student, will learn a lot.

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Lots of Carson High athletes were honored by being named to the All-State teams, especially Kayla Sanchez, who was named Athlete and Runner of the Year in girl's track. They were all listed on p. B5 of the May 23 Nevada Appeal. Congratulations for all your hard work. We're proud of you.

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Comma Coffee is always hosting great entertainment ... including the Mile High Jazz Band on June 10. Call 883-2662, or go to www.CommaCoffee.com for details. The Capital City Arts Initiative Artist Coffee, will meet at the Bliss Mansion on Wednesday, June 4, from 4:30-6 p.m. (887-8988 for information). And don't forget the Rendezvous is coming to Mills Park on the 13th of June. Yeehaw!

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George W. Bush speaks of "appeasement" and equates it with Neville Chamberlain before WWII (although we're not sure he knows who Chamberlain was). He forgets that Nixon talked to China, Reagan to East Germany, then disses Barack Obama for wanting to talk to his own (GWB's) self-described "axis of evil" countries. Without communication, hostilities will never end ... although Teddy Roosevelt's "speak softly, but carry a big stick" still rings true today. Or, as Werner Erhard said, "Do what works." What you're doing, ain't working, George. We do need a change. (this one's for you, Charlie).

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Bryan Harris sent us the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational winners ... alter a word from the dictionary and give it a new meaning: Reintarnation ... coming back to life as a hillbilly; Glibido ... all talk and no action; Intaxication ... euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with; Hipatitis ... terminal coolness; Cashtration ... the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time; Caterpallor ... the color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating; and, finally, Arachnoleptic Fit ... the frantic dance you perform just after walking into a spider web.

Enjoy the weather. It's almost summertime.

• Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. They can be reached by e-mail at carolynandmaizie@yahoo.com.