Nobody Asked Us, But ... Time for cards, flowers, candy and dinner

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY (almost) ... Time for everyone to gear up and get their sweeties a card, flowers, candy or dinner (call your favorite restaurant for reservations ... well, you get the idea). Or just do something nice for someone. They'll appreciate it. We know we would. We also know that's blatant "hinting," and that you're not surprised.

To celebrate the weekend, Proscenium Players will open Friday night with, "Moonlight and Magnolias" at the Brewery Arts Center at 7:30 p.m., and will run for three weekends. Their opening night party is after the play (883-1976 for reservations). Western Nevada Musical Theater also opens tomorrow night (at 7:30 p.m.) at the community center with "It's a Grand Night for Singing," and will run this weekend only (445-4249). Both are great Valentine presents. Enjoy.

Bob Herzog and Ken Fraser both sent us this off the Internet: "Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, then arrange to have her killed. He contacted a hit man, Artie, and told him about the plan. Artie said his fee was $5,000, but the man said he could only pay when the insurance paid off. At that moment, he could only pay Artie $1. A few days later, Artie followed the wife to the super Wal-Mart, where he proceeded to strangle her in the produce department. The manager stumbled onto the murder scene, and Artie strangled him as well. Unbeknownst to Artie, the whole thing was observed by cameras and the store's security guard and Artie was arrested before he could even leave the store. He quickly confessed the whole sordid plan, and the husband also was arrested. The next day, the newspaper headlines read, 'ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'" (Columnist's note: Do not try this in Carson City ... Sheriff Furlong would be upset ... as would Wal-Mart)

We are sorry to see restaurants closing in Carson City, particularly since we frequent them often ... the Station Grille, Sizzler, Chili's, and Mr. Pickles, for instance ... so we were glad to read Monday about Pho Country Vietnamese Restaurant opening on North Carson Street (882-0200). Good luck to them. Good news for Jasmine Fox (3 years old), and Adele and Ralph Quintel ... all are older now and celebrating their birthdays. Congratulations.

Some people want to install windmills east of Washoe Lake, and some people are objecting. Well, to make lemons into lemonade, why not install them and make them into a tourist attraction. We could go out and watch them spin and get entertained (sort of like watching the dryer, or 'snow' or infomercials on TV). Wow.

By the way, if you haven't been to the dump (pardon us ... sanitary landfill) lately (M hadn't been in umpteen years), the people are sure nice out there (particularly for someone who is "dump impaired").

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Guy Rocha, former (sob) Nevada State Archivist, will be the guest of honor at his retirement dinner, Saturday, Feb. 21, at the Carson Nugget at 4 p.m. (cocktails first, then dinner). Reservations must be made by Friday by calling 684-3315 or 687-8323 ($40 each). It's sure to be a big hit, and all profits will go to help the Library and Archives gift fund. Go Guy! The Knights of Columbus in Gardnerville will be holding their bimonthly bingo to benefit the Skin Cancer Awareness Foundation Friday at 7 p.m. at the St. Gall Community Center (782-2852 for more information). A snack bar is available, and coffee and popcorn are served free.

Nina and John Bailey sent us this one: "Our life expectancy keeps going up. According to the latest statistics, average Americans will now live seven years past the time when their money runs out." So ... will we get a bailout? Fat chance. See you next week.

- Carolyn Tate and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. They can be reached by e-mail at editor@nevadaappeal.com.