The Half Price Beer Hall

When Ronald Reagan and Tip O’Neill got together for happy hour on occasion, they managed to disagree without being disagreeable. Barak Obama once held a “Beer Summit” at the White House to diffuse ill will over the arrest of Harvard Professor Louis Gates.

More recently, during the third republican debate, when banter between candidates and moderators became testy, moderator Carl Quintanilla tempered his exchange with Ted Cruz by suggesting, “We’re clearly not having that beer you mentioned.”

To wit, Cruz replied, “I’ll buy you a tequila, or even some famous Colorado brownies.” Maybe you see where I’m going with this…

Welcome the Half Price Beer Hall, where card-carrying Democrats and Republicans who drink together at the same table pay half price.

Independents pay full price, but when seated with Republicans and Democrats, well, they get free entertainment.

Imagine if our Half Price Beer Hall became popular, spread to all fifty states and crossed borders and oceans to become popular in the Middle East between Palestinians & Israelis, Sunnis & Shiites, though they might have to settle for Near Beer.

Ultimately, when our planet finally embraces world peace, we will be able to say, “It all started right here in the Half Price Beer Hall.”

If Lewis & Clark had carried beer along instead of whiskey, they’d have had better relations with the Sioux.

As it was, they laid in 120 gallons of whiskey, which they shared with Chief Black Buffalo, who got drunk as a boiled owl and came within an ace of scalping the entire expedition. (In full disclosure, people tell me I am a good historian where facts are not essential.)

But getting back to the 21st century and the cooperative that our Half Price Beer Hall can become, I’m on deck and ready to acquire the necessary beer & wine license the minute somebody steps to the plate with a venue.

This venue should be located in the village of Incline, as I will most likely have to walk home from work.

There will be no distractions in our Half Price Beer Hall, no TVs, no banners, no pictures, just one portrait of Mark Twain, cheap beer and rich conversation.

Though allowed, poetry and puns will be discouraged, along with half-truths, innuendoes and double entendres. And it goes without saying — everybody drinks in moderation.

We will tolerate no outdoor voices, singing solo, or playing the accordion. Sixteen-ounce gloves and mouth pieces will be made available for those who insist on fighting or just want to let off some steam outside.

Oh, and there will be two signs above the door. One sign will say: No Peddlin’ - No Panderin’ - No Preachin’! And the other sign will say: If you don’t have anything nice to say about somebody come sit next to me.

So watch for the Half Price Beer Hall, coming to a neighborhood near you soon. All we need now is the venue.

Learn more about McAvoy Layne at www.ghostoftwain.com.