Donald Drumpf, Boy wonder

(Note: The following reads like satire; unfortunately, it’s all fact.)

“It has not been easy for me. I started off in Brooklyn. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.” Donald Trump, Oct. 26, 2015

In 1885, a 16-year-old named Friedrich Drumpf emigrated from Germany to the United States, changing his name to Trump. Friedrich went into the restaurant business and by 1901 he was a wealthy man. He returned to Germany, got married, and brought his bride to New York. In 1904 he took his family back to Germany, but was expelled by German authorities in 1905 for being a draft dodger. He returned to New York, where his son Fred was born.

In 1946, Fred had a son named Donald. The Trump family was becoming quite wealthy, thanks to shrewd business practices and lucrative ties to the Mafia. Young Donald was sent to private school, but at age 13, after giving a teacher a black eye, he was transferred to the New York Military Academy. After graduation, he went to Fordham University for two years, and then graduated with a B.A. from Wharton School of Finance in 1968. In 1971, Donald’s father gave control of the family business to Donald. When Fred died, Donald inherited tens of millions of dollars.

From these humble beginnings, Donald Trump managed to build his business.

During the Vietnam War, Trump requested and received four student deferments from military service. But don’t think he never faced danger. He said that his time in military school gave him “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.” He also told Howard Stern in 1997 that dodging STDs during the 1990s with all the women he “cherished” was “sort of like the Vietnam-era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.”

And Trump can be tough. When confronted with those who disagree with him, he tells his followers to “…knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously. Okay?” (Feb. 1, 2016). That military school training really shines through.

If Trump becomes president, he promises he will have amazing relationships with foreign leaders. In fact, he plans to invite the loathsome North Korean Communist dictator Kim Jong Un to the White House. Trump also admires Vladimir Putin, the president of Russia and former KGB agent.

This may be because Trump’s father-in-law, Viktor Knavs, was a member of the Communist Party in Slovenia before Yugoslavia broke up in 1991. Knavs was one of only 5 percent of Slovenians who were Communists. Trump also talks about leaving NATO, which keeps Russia in check. Perhaps Trump feels an affinity for Communist leaders because of his family dynamics. So, Muslims forbidden, Communists welcome!

Trump brags about his business skills, but he’s been involved in over 3500 lawsuits, some from employees, vendors and contractors he cheated, others as a result of lying to authorities. Four of his companies went bankrupt; several others simply failed. He brags that he’s the “king of debt,” that he has “made a fortune by using debt.” Let’s call him Deadbeat Donald, in honor of his financial style.

Trump claims to be a Christian, but on July 20, 2015, he said, “I’m not sure I have ever asked God’s forgiveness. I don’t bring God into that picture.” Maybe Trump believes he is so magnificent he doesn’t need forgiveness for anything. Trump has boasted about his many adulterous affairs. Perhaps he should read his “favorite” book, the Bible, a little more carefully, especially Exodus 20:14 and Matthew 19:18. I John 1:8-10 would also be appropriate.

Trump summarized his own life and philosophy on Jan. 9, 2016, when he said, “I like money. I’m very greedy. I’m a greedy person. I shouldn’t tell you that, I’m a greedy – I’ve always been greedy. I love money, right?” Again, what does his favorite book say? I Timothy 6:10.

On Monday, Republicans will gather in Cleveland to officially nominate their candidate for president. When our country was founded, the signers of the Declaration of Independence wrote this: “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.”

Can anyone imagine Donald Trump sacrificing anything for our country? Sadly, I don’t think that’s even possible. A man who brags about his greed, his sins and his contempt for others is not who we need for president.

Jeanette Strong, whose column appears every other week, is a Nevada Press Association award-winning columnist. She may be reached at news@lahontanvalleynews.com.