It’s not unusual for me to plan then change plans, rethinking the original plan and ending up somewhere in the middle. Using the best of both plans. On the outside that all seems to be very disorganized. I can see how, looking in from the outside, all the planning and re-planning might look like an unplanned plan. I always have some sort of a plan. Usually. Last week was pretty scattered and each event was unplanned. Not that the things I did were life altering or world changing. They were no different than what anyone had on their plate of life to do. It is just that when I finally sat down on Sunday morning my backside was dragging to the point that I didn’t even want to open my curtains. But! Yes, a day dragging “but.” I did open the curtains and windows and my doors and just that opening up gave me a boost. To see the world from inside a dark place will keep me in a dark place. But open up and let the sunshine in? All bets are off. I get recharged and my zoom returns. I took a look at the list of things I accomplished last week. I needed to do that because during the winter months I sat and sat and sat in my house worrying. I was afraid that I might not be able to do all the things that I knew were coming my way as soon as the weather broke and spring and summer knocked on my door. So, getting all the things I pushed to get done last week was a great boost to my mental self. Yes, I have a mental self! And yes, without a doubt it sometimes has a mind of its own. Being afraid is something that is not normal to me. Of course, when I see a spider scurry across the floor I get afraid. I still jump up and in that jumping up I decide three things all at once. Do I have shoes on to squish the spider? If no shoes, do I have socks on that, if I squish it in stocking feet will the spider juices come through and get on my foot? And if no shoes or socks — how close is the closest shoe or book or grenade?! Then there is the afraid of not being able to do things that I have done in past years. Not that I am getting old. Nope. That is NOT in my wheelhouse. The years will continue to add up of course. That old part hasn’t reached me, yet. No, it’s the fact that sometimes my brain tries to scare my very capable self into believing that some things I may have done in the past, I might not, just might not, be able to accomplish as time happily zips along. During winter I thought there was no way to keep up anymore. Silly mind thought that just because a few more minutes, hours, days ticked along, my happy self would fall behind. Then last week happened. I got more stuff done last week than I think I did in all of February. The last time I felt that good about an accomplishment was in 1992 when I was standing on the new unfinished roof of a building my other half and I were building in Eureka. It snowed on our newly sheeted roof and we were up shoveling the snow off to save the OSB boards. I was shoveling my little heart out. The snow fell and fell and got very deep that winter. We shoveled so much we could walk off the roof into the pile of snow we created. It was hard work and scary to think what could happen if we couldn’t save the sheeting. We did it though and in the end we and the roof both weathered the winter to welcome a spring and a summer of opening a new store. I don’t think there were more than a dozen days in the next 25 years of running that store that I didn’t think of shoveling the roof off that winter. So, this week when I finally sold that building I realized that now I can stop thinking and over thinking during long winters and move onto the summers ahead of me. Summers that will have days, weeks and yes even minutes that I will think, “Ugh. I can’t do any more.” In reality, just sitting here thinking about it my soul sings, “I can’t do any less.” So see, if I can squish a spider in stocking feet, just think what you can do. Trina Machacek lives in Eureka. Her book, They Call Me Weener, is available on Amazon.com or email her at itybytrina@yahoo.com to see how to get a signed copy.
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