Trina Machacek: No wrong way to eat pie

As the saying goes, “There’s always room for Jell-O.” Well, I am here to tell you that no matter how much you eat in the next few celebratory holiday dazed days, there will always be room for pie! I have seen this played out many times. After the last platter, bowl, plate, basket and gravy boat is taken off the table, out comes the pie. Now come on, admit it.

In our Americanism enthusiasm we usually, after a family gathering meal there is more than one kind of pie offered. Apple, pumpkin, pecan. Something called mincemeat. Not really sure what that is actually. Not going to spend my pie budget finding out either. There are cream pies, banana, chocolate, and cheesecake which as we all know is really pie not cake. One thing about pie is that there are many ways to eat it.

Not just with which topping to choose. I mean we can probably agree that warm apple pie needs either a slice of cheese or a scoop of creamy sweet vanilla ice cream. Pumpkin pie as I have learned over the years cannot have too much whipped cream mounded on its orangeness from pointed tip to the crust. No, I want to discuss how we EAT pie. Your mind is racing, isn’t it? How do you eat pie. First of all, when, after say the Thanksgiving meal, pie is offered in mass, what is your response. “Oh nooooo. Not pie!” or “OOOO what kind is there?” It took many years for me to finally realize that if I want pie, I can have pie. So can you. Pie after a family or potluck or even an everyday meal, pie is considered free food. HAHA how do I figure that?

Well, I have noticed that when someone is offered pie after a big meal, usually someone will say, “Just a small slice – of each!” Yes, “just a small slice.” I mean if you just have a small slice, how in the name of a lemon meringue pie could there be very many calories in “just a small slice?” My Trina logic is really hard to dispute. A small slice? It couldn’t be detrimental. Even if you indulge in just a small slice of apple, pumpkin AND pecan. Maybe even a small slice of that mincemeat thing. Could it? Nope! Small is equal to free food.

Now though let’s talk about how we all eat pie. We all know those who start at the pointed end and eat to the crust. Those are the regular pie eaters. Many leave the ring of the crust. Why? Is it too burnt, hard, dry? Perhaps that is where you think the calories are hiding. Not in the creamy banana pudding and three inches of fluffy cool whip heaped on the top. No, the calories are in the crust! Yeah, sure they are.

I have seen pie eaten from the crust end to the tip. That one is weird. OK all cards on the table. That is how I eat pie. I don’t really enjoy the crust, but here is my thinking. If I am going to subject my happy body with pie and the sugar and fat and sugar (already said sugar, didn’t I!) If I am going to throw all those good calories down my “pie hole,” I should eat what most of us think is the icky part first, the crust. Sort of as a punishment. And then I can of course reward myself with the main event of pie. THE FILLING.

With a two crusted pie there are those who eat the top crust, the filling and leave the rest. There are those who “mine” out the filling and leave both top and bottom crusts. I have yet, in my many blabbity blabbity years, I have never seen anyone eat the crust and leave the filling. I would seriously have anyone who does that examined by the pie police.

Don’t kid yourself there are pie police. They are the ones who really only cut “a small piece” of pie. Just one more slice on this subject. How many pieces do you cut a pie into? I mean a regular piece of pie. It seems there are those who will take a pie and cut it into 8, yes 8 pieces.

On the other end some will take a pie and cut it into four pieces. The “norm” seems to be six. It may just depend on what kind of pie eater you are. The filling only eaters will be big old four-piece pie cutters. My hero’s. Ah pie. Such a versatile dessert. Truly a dessert that goes from fruit to nuts.

Trina Machacek lives in Diamond Valley north of Eureka. Her books are available at www.theeurekacountystar.com, or email her at itybytrina@yahoo.com.