Maybe Congress can send troops a bit of armor

Republicans and Democrats alike should be ashamed that our soldiers in Iraq are having to reinforce the armor on their humvees themselves to keep from being killed. Or (from a wire service story), 80 per cent of the soldiers who have died in combat, could have been saved with proper armaments. Maybe Congress should send their armored limos overseas ... but then Washington, DC, IS a dangerous place ... (what were we thinking?)

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And while we're on bad news ... let's hope some members of Congress are filing for Medicare, Part D, as we speak, and find out what a boondoggle they've placed upon the backs of our senior citizens and taxpayers. If a private organization had come up with this scheme, they'd be forced out of business ... and the costs keep rising ...

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At least the Nevada pharmacy board is allowing Nevada seniors to buy their drugs from Canada ... for some, it's the difference between staying well and eating ... and they won't have to face jail time for making the choice ... (don't write ... we hope it's an exaggeration).

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For those of you with good taste ... quit reading right now. We saw an ad for a cremation company offering "complete cremation, $595" ... so is there such a thing as an "incomplete cremation?" And would it be cheaper? ("Gee, doc, I lost a finger chopping wood ... could I get 10 percent off?")

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Casino Fandango is proposing to build a 400-room hotel south of town ... and another casino is going in where Bodine's is sitting, yet they won't let Max Baer build one across the street on the old Wal-Mart site (or is it, like it is, too beautiful to raze?) ... the city fathers (and mothers) are still looking for retail businesses to fill up the property. So ... where are they? IMWTK ...

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"Hello? Is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report that my neighbor, Virgil Smith, is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"Thank you, sir, for the call."

The next day, agents surrounded Virgil's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept, and, using axes, they busted open every piece of wood. No marijuana was found. They sneered at Virgil as they left ... but a few minutes later, the phone rang.

"Hey, Virgil. This here is Floyd. Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Sure did."

"Happy birthday, Buddy." Who says Rednecks aren't smart? (Thanks, Kim)

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Did you know that the Carson City Fire Department holds CPR and life saving classes every month? And that they will help you install your smoke detectors? To keep safe, call 887-2210 ... with the death of two young girls in the Reno area last week, it pays to be prepared. And thanks to our firemen and women for being there for us ...

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Retiring district judges Peter Breen and Archie Blake were seen leaving the Villa Basque Deli the other day. They were getting together to discuss what they will be doing in the future. Seems they will both be conducting drug courts in Northern Nevada ... so even in "retirement," they will be serving our state ... way to go, guys ...

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Speaking of "guys" ... we met two of them at Woody's on Sunday ... Guy Farmer, and his son, Guy Farmer Jr. Guy Sr. is our world famous Sunday columnist ... his son turned out great regardless ...

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Happy birthday to the late Martin Luther King Jr., a powerhouse leader for human rights (of all races); and happy birthdays to a multitude of people ... Tamie Jesse, Troy, Spencer and TJ Olson; Lohi and Pono Fuller; Billy Nutt; Billy and Jamie Dunn; Reed Lequerica (he'll be 7); and Steve Wassner and Tom Greco (they'll be older than dirt, especially if you add their ages together) ... "let them eat cake ... "

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Mallard's is hosting its monthly wine tasting on Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Empire Ranch Golf Course. So far, "our table" is now composed of Lisa and Jerry Allred, Gayle Mayne, us, and newcomers Susanne and Angelo Pecorilla. Marie Hansen and Norma Conway will be joining us this week, and we hope to see the Bretts again, too ... the wines are tasty, and the food delicious ... and only $15 a pop ... call 885-1019 for reservations ... you can tell we have a good time there ...

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Sunday school-isms (courtesy of DeeAnn P) ... "After the christening of his baby brother, little Johnny sobbed all the way home. His father asked him three times what was wrong, 'til finally he replied, 'The minister said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys."

Then, "The Sunday school teacher asked, 'Now, Johnny (he gets around, doesn't he?), tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"

"No, Ma'am," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My mom is a good cook." Amen to that ...

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Proscenium Players, Inc. will be holding auditions for the final show of the season, "Cotton Patch Gospel," on Monday, Jan. 23, 2006, at the Performance Hall of the Brewery Arts Center ... 511 W. King St., Carson City, NV, at 6 p.m. Ages are 5-85, with both singing and non-singing roles.

Singers need to be ready to sing a song in 30 seconds or less (remember, that's a reeeeeeally short song, or a very fast one). Production dates are in April, the director is Jim DeZerga, and if you need more information, call 884-0580. Nuf sed ...

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"Bluebird, The Star of the West," a BAC Stage Kids production will open on Friday ... always cute kids in the town of Windy Gulch ... call 883-1976 for tickets and information.

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And last ... big thank yous to Dean at Raley's for cutting up the chicken for M; Karen B. at Safeway for making the balloon bouquet for C; and Chef Jenna and Jesse at Silvana's for the great eats (call 883-5100 for reservations) ... you all make this town worth living in ...

n Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.